Sky's Gender Reveal

I figured I'd share these pics too! Since Zach was gone, I wanted to do something fun with the kids. Originally we were supposed to skype during the photo session and announce it to him, but I suck at secrets. I'm trying to find the video I took when I told him and I'll share it when I find it. Courtesy of Missy Rich Photography :) 

Me

So, you should know by now I was adopted. I'm pretty good about sharing that info 😉

I was adopted as a baby and met my bio mom when I was 18. I don't know much about my bio dad. Hardly anything at all except a name and picture. 

Me!! Aren't I cute?? Haha

My bio mom - Terrelyn

My bio dad - Gary 

Meeting my birth mom was hard for me. I had her information for a few weeks before I could muster up the courage to meet her. It went really well though and she was able to be there for my wedding! 

Growing up I had all these visions of what my bio parents would be like. My favorite day dream was my story would be exactly like "What a Girl Wants" and my dad was some form of royalty. 😘 

All I knew was my birth mom was young when she had me(16), wanted my name to be Ashley (which was what my parents already planned on naming me), she knew she couldn't take care of me, and she chose adoption as her best option. I got little bits of information growing up but not a ton. I was also informed my birth dad wasn't told about me. I guess he encouraged another girl (he was with) to have an abortion and my mom didn't want to risk me. So, she just didn't tell him. He was in the military and they were in the Philippines when I was conceived. I'm still piecing things together, but this is what I got so far. To my knowledge any way. 

It took a while for us to figure out his full name and I still don't know it. Zach talked to my birth mom and got it. I just wasn't ready to know. I think I am now though. 

These past few years have been crazy. I'm learning how important family is. He may not know me, and I'm honestly not sure what I'll do if I actually do find him. I have come to the conclusion that he deserves a chance to know me though. Not in a cocky way, but just in general. If Zach or I had a kid out there that we weren't told about, I'd want to know. I'd at least want a chance to say whether I want to be apart of their life or not. 

This is going to be extremely hard for me. I do not take rejection well at all, but I need to do this. For me. To close a door or open it. I can't just stand still any longer. Time is precious and since he was in the military, he may not be around anyway. As morbid as that sounds. Who knows how it will go, but I can't wait forever and regret it later. 

I can really use all the support and love I can get! Especially prayers for both Gary and I. Throwing in a daughter 27 years later is kind of a big deal. I know it's going to be a very tough situation. Wish me luck!! 😊

Sky's Birth Story!

I figured it's about time I write sky's story!  Most people know Zach and I had been trying for a really long time to get pregnant with our 4th. We tried about 13 months and gave up when he got orders to deploy. My period was supposed to start really soon after he left. when it was late, I ignored it. You can ask my friends. I did not want to know and deal with a pregnancy right after he left. I ordered tests online. When they came in, I found out the news. Now don't get me wrong, I was really excited. However, the thought of being pregnant with 3 boys and by myself really freaked me out. I got to message the news to Zach 2 weeks after he left. we announced it after my first appointment, when they confirmed it.

I was able to find a wonderful doula(Courtney) who helped me while he was gone. She went to ultrasounds, appointments, and was there for me when I needed a friend. I was also really blessed with support from other friends, the base, and my bible study. That was seriously my worst pregnancy (of course!) and I wouldn't have made it without the support.

Fast forward several months..Zach got back when I was around 31-32 weeks pregnant. I actually had my baby shower the day he came home! 

We ended up moving from Texas to utah when I was around 34 weeks. I swore she'd be born on the road! Somehow we made it and I found a midwife, new doula, and birth photographer. Since it was supposedly my last pregnancy, I wanted to go all out and make sure it was great. 

July 19, I started getting contractions but blew it off as nothing. I was scheduled to be induced the next morning (my due date) and thought it was just the jitters. I was still feeling crappy by noon and timing the contractions but they weren't consistent. I really thought it was all in my head. We went to zach's squadron picnic and they kind of went away. I had a few contractions but blew it off. 

That night, I was laying in bed and felt a pop around midnight. Completely freaked me out, but I wasn't leaking. Got up to go to the bathroom and my water broke in the toilet. Funny story, my water has broken twice and it was always in a good spot - shower for Matteo and toilet for sky. 

Anyway, I'm kind of freaky when I go into labor and was extremely calm at this point. I kind of woke up Zach and told him we needed to call Kendra (doula). He called her and she got there a little after 12. My contractions started coming on really strong so I decided we needed to go to the hospital. I wanted to wait, but with them coming so fast and strong, it really scared me. 

Kendra took me to the hospital and Zach took the kids to Gina's. Not only did she say she'd be my photographer but she also volunteered to babysit! How lucky did we get?! 

Anyway, Kendra and I get to the hospital and I swear it took them forever to get me checked in. When they finally checked (about 1) I was at 3 cm. while she was setting up everything, I started getting contractions really fasted and freaked out. Kendra started the bath, but I was spazzing out so badly that I asked for an epidural. 

The guy got there at maybe 3 and he couldn't get the stupid thing in. Supposedly he did, but I never felt it. 

My eyes were glued shut about this point on. The epidural was taking forever and I said I needed to push! Nurse checked and I was supposedly at a 7. I hated the nurse though so I didn't believe her. I may have mocked her a bit..oops..haha 

I told Zach to get Gina there ASAP. I told them I wanted my dr now! Do you know how hard it is not to push when you've got a huge pushing sensation?! I don't even remember Gina walking in, but the second my dr walked in I asked her if she was going to help me. I was in so much pain and this moved so much faster then any of my other births. She said I could push and bam!! Sky was born at 4:14 am on July 20, 2013. Her due date and before her induction. 1 long push and she was out! First thing I did was check that she was a girl ;) 

My midwife!

Kendra!

Gina!

7 pounds 3 ounces and 18 1/2 inches of pure sweetness! 

We named her Skylar Elizabeth (my sister's middle name) Nicole (my middle name). 

I was afraid I wouldn't know what to do with a girl or that the boys would think I loved them less. I couldn't have been more wrong. Each of my children are extremely unique and I can't even begin to explain how much love I have for them. This sweet girl has brought so much joy to this family and her big brothers adore her! We couldn't be more blessed. ❤️

That Time Again

It's that time of the year again. Where I get super emotional and forget why until it hits me. Next week was supposed to be my twins' birthday. I wonder what they would look like and how they'd act. If they'd have been identical or opposite sexes. I'll never get to hold them and I'll never get to meet them. They were still my babies though and I will never forget them. I know some people think of these like the "pity me" posts or I'm just doing this for attention. My heart hurts and I express myself with writing. I love to write and tend to ramble a lot. This is how I get things off my chest or "talk" it out with myself so I can understand my feelings. This is also a warning for if I'm crazy emotional during the next few weeks. 😘 I often wonder if it was my fault or if they were just sick. I have no clue what happened but I do know they're in a better place. They will never feel pain or know sadness. I kept debating on what to make my "comeback" post about and this is it. What better way then to talk about my 2 little angels who deserve to be remembered. This also goes out to my friends' babies who left the world too soon. Miscarriage is such a taboo subject and it's something I'm very passionate talking about. Don't be afraid of the emotions or wanting to talk about it. Do what you have to do to cope. I want you to know I'm here for you and I'll cry with you. 8 years later and it's still hard. Hang in there friends, you're not alone. ❤️