Our First

One of the things that’s hard about foster care is not being able to share all the stories. You can’t share pictures and get criticism for sharing pictures with their faces crossed out. Believe me when I say, I’d LOVE to share their adorable faces and my phone is filled with pictures of every child who has stepped foot in our house. We even have some professional pictures done of our entire family with our foster kids. Our children call them all their brothers or sisters no matter how long they’re with us. They’re our family and it’s hard not to show them off. I’m going to try to share our experiences and some stories, but don’t ask for more details because I can’t share it. I won’t share names, but use an initial. Their stories need to be shared and I think it’ll help to explain some of what we’ve dealt with.  

So, like I said, we didn’t know we were licensed until we got our first call for a placement. We have the placement number on speed dial and your heart skips a beat whenever she calls. It always starts with a “hi, how are you” and you almost immediately say yes because you know why she’s calling. Anyway, I had surgery the beginning of July and was maybe 1 or 2 weeks post op. Zach was home and he got the call. She told us we were licensed and asked zach if we’d take 3 kids. They were associated with the military and they thought we’d be a good fit. Zach said he’d call her back (a big no no!) and ask me first since I just had surgery. I immediately said yes and why the heck wouldn’t he automatically say yes! Ha He called her back and they’d already found another home. Ok cool, not meant to be and now we always immediately say yes. He knows I will and they typically call me first, but he got it that time since I was in recovery. Fast forward maybe 2 weeks and we get another call. This time it’s for 2 boys from a reservation. We were warned about how complicated dealing with the reservation stuff could be but said yes immediately. They had been sitting at DHS for several hours and apparently the reservation didn’t want them with the reservation because of their situation. The bio parent had tried to shoot her boyfriend while the kids were in the car and was going to jail for a while. We weren’t told if he died or not but it didn’t sound good. They knew nothing about family and they had nowhere to go. They also said they were coming with their puppy if we were ok with it. Duh, yes! We want them all! They were close to our 2 youngest bio’s age and my heart broke for them. Apparently it was a domestic abuse situation and I really believe she felt like she had no way out. It wasn’t handled right, but my heart still goes out to her. When they pulled up to my house I met them outside. They looked sooo tiny and my heart melted. The younger one took to us immediately but the older one had a harder time with me. He’d always talk about his mom and you could tell they loved her. We NEVER made them feel bad for talking about her and I never tried to take her place. I gave him his space and he needed Zach. He had a mom but he needed a dad and Zach stepped in. While they were with us they asked how we could love them and we said we’d been praying for them since before they came to us. We still love them and I’m getting choked up just thinking about them. Those boys had my heart the second I heard about them. Anyway, their mom spilled info about family when she got to jail and an Aunt popped up in New Mexico who wanted them. As hard as it was, I 100% believe they needed her and they are where they need to be. I never thought I’d feel like that but N was having a really hard time with the language barrier and he needed to be on a reservation with people who understood his culture. Q adjusted extremely well and I think they both would have adjusted but they needed family and I felt at peace with the situation. We had them a week and I will never stop praying for them or thinking about them. I remember the day they came and I remember the day they left so vividly. Zach came with me to take them to the agency to drop them off with their Aunt, cousins, and grandpa. We got to meet everyone and it felt right. The boys were extremely comfortable with all of them and it was an easy transition for them. We balled in the car but were able to keep it positive around the boys. They were nervous driving into town and we just kept talking about the positives or how great their aunt seemed. Saying goodbye was awful and we haven’t heard anything about them since. They did take their puppy too which made me happy. Everything in the car was evidence (and all they had) so they came with maybe one outfit each from DHS and their puppy. He’s all they had and I’m so glad they had him and each other. That was our first experience with foster care and definitely a lot for a first. You normally don’t get a NICWA case but we’re the kind of people who get the crazy cases. This is one of those cases where I truly believe it worked out for the best, but I’d do anything to hear how they are ❤️

Our Journey To Foster Care

I know I talk about this all the time, but I was adopted as an infant. My sister was also adopted as an infant. Adoption has always played a huge role in my life and I have always wanted to get involved in foster care or adoption. I NEVER thought I could handle foster care. I was afraid I’d get too attached and not be able to handle giving them back. We have actually been to several orientations on foster care but something always came up. In Texas we went to one but they were so big on kin placement and it didn’t feel right. In Florida we actually had an appointment for an orientation with Bethany (the same company my sister was adopted through!) the week we were evacuated for the hurricane. When we got to Colorado, you’d think adoption/foster care would be the last thing on our minds but everything lined up. My sister’s church kind of sponsored our family during our displacement and we got involved with the church fast. They were doing a Christmas party for foster families of a foster agency they supported and we decided to volunteer to help. It was so hard not to fall for these kids FAST! One of the girls (maybe 7) told me that she used to be sisters with another girl but now she’s sisters with another family. Hearing these kids stories broke my heart. One of the girls clung to me the entire night and my heart melted. I talked to Zach and we agreed to write the agency for more info. Beth called us maybe an hour after sending the message and had us come in the very next day for an interview. It all fell into place soo fast and just felt right. We were approved to start the process of training in January but pushed it off to February to get settled into our house. We were evacuated from Florida in October 2018, moved into our house the end of December, and started the foster care education classes in February. When I say it was fast, it was fast. Classes went until April or May and then we had our home study. We didn’t know we were approved until they called us in July for a placement. We were officially foster parents the end of June. We are a foster and adoptive home. In this all, the kids were 100% on board. We talked with them constantly and always asked their opinions. They were interviewed for the home study too and all very excited to get it started. Every one of our bios has their specific kid they want, but ultimately we’re open for whoever needs us. We’ve had kids from 2 months old to 15 years old. We’ve said yes to every kid they’ve offered us minus one (we knew him from respite and it was way too much for us to add on to our pile at the time. Nothing against him but his bios were over the top and we already were dealing with that with our other 2). We’ve had 6 permanent placements (they’re with us until they go to family or back with who they were taken from) and 13 (2 twice) respite (we have them for up to 2 weeks to give their foster family a break). We can have up to 8 kids total right now. Every one of those kids has a permanent place in our hearts and even the kids we said yes to but don’t get are in our hearts as well. The stories will haunt you forever. One thing I read that really stuck out was someone who said something like “people say they could never do foster care because it’d hurt too bad to give them back. So does that make me heartless?” It stuck with me. You have to have a huge heart to do this and it is definitely not for everyone. You do get attached and if you don’t, you’re not doing your job. You love these kids like your own but you’re constantly reminded that they aren’t yours and you have no say in what happens. Foster parents are held to an extremely higher standard then the bio parents and it’s hard. It’s hard not to compare or feel like everything you do is pointless if they’re just going back. It’s hard not to feel like an awful mom when the bios are constantly saying how awful you are.  It feels like a bad joint custody or giving your kids to an awful babysitter. Sometimes it is easy and you do want the bios to win. Sometimes it’s hard when they do win because nothing has changed. It’s hard to see the kids you’ve loved for so long go back to the crazy. It’s hard to see their future and it not look good. Sometimes your heart feels at peace with the outcome and sometimes you cry in the shower because you have no control. No matter what, I cry every time one of my kids leave and a piece of my heart goes with them. I do this for the kids. In no way is this for me. I’ve wanted to quit so many times and have told Zach we need to put in our notice, but month by month keeps going by. We’re at a year and a half as licensed foster parents and as hard as it can be, I won’t quit. I can’t quit. Each story and each kid needs someone to know they’re worth it and if we can help just 1 kid, it’s all worth it. ❤️