Our Journey To Foster Care

I know I talk about this all the time, but I was adopted as an infant. My sister was also adopted as an infant. Adoption has always played a huge role in my life and I have always wanted to get involved in foster care or adoption. I NEVER thought I could handle foster care. I was afraid I’d get too attached and not be able to handle giving them back. We have actually been to several orientations on foster care but something always came up. In Texas we went to one but they were so big on kin placement and it didn’t feel right. In Florida we actually had an appointment for an orientation with Bethany (the same company my sister was adopted through!) the week we were evacuated for the hurricane. When we got to Colorado, you’d think adoption/foster care would be the last thing on our minds but everything lined up. My sister’s church kind of sponsored our family during our displacement and we got involved with the church fast. They were doing a Christmas party for foster families of a foster agency they supported and we decided to volunteer to help. It was so hard not to fall for these kids FAST! One of the girls (maybe 7) told me that she used to be sisters with another girl but now she’s sisters with another family. Hearing these kids stories broke my heart. One of the girls clung to me the entire night and my heart melted. I talked to Zach and we agreed to write the agency for more info. Beth called us maybe an hour after sending the message and had us come in the very next day for an interview. It all fell into place soo fast and just felt right. We were approved to start the process of training in January but pushed it off to February to get settled into our house. We were evacuated from Florida in October 2018, moved into our house the end of December, and started the foster care education classes in February. When I say it was fast, it was fast. Classes went until April or May and then we had our home study. We didn’t know we were approved until they called us in July for a placement. We were officially foster parents the end of June. We are a foster and adoptive home. In this all, the kids were 100% on board. We talked with them constantly and always asked their opinions. They were interviewed for the home study too and all very excited to get it started. Every one of our bios has their specific kid they want, but ultimately we’re open for whoever needs us. We’ve had kids from 2 months old to 15 years old. We’ve said yes to every kid they’ve offered us minus one (we knew him from respite and it was way too much for us to add on to our pile at the time. Nothing against him but his bios were over the top and we already were dealing with that with our other 2). We’ve had 6 permanent placements (they’re with us until they go to family or back with who they were taken from) and 13 (2 twice) respite (we have them for up to 2 weeks to give their foster family a break). We can have up to 8 kids total right now. Every one of those kids has a permanent place in our hearts and even the kids we said yes to but don’t get are in our hearts as well. The stories will haunt you forever. One thing I read that really stuck out was someone who said something like “people say they could never do foster care because it’d hurt too bad to give them back. So does that make me heartless?” It stuck with me. You have to have a huge heart to do this and it is definitely not for everyone. You do get attached and if you don’t, you’re not doing your job. You love these kids like your own but you’re constantly reminded that they aren’t yours and you have no say in what happens. Foster parents are held to an extremely higher standard then the bio parents and it’s hard. It’s hard not to compare or feel like everything you do is pointless if they’re just going back. It’s hard not to feel like an awful mom when the bios are constantly saying how awful you are.  It feels like a bad joint custody or giving your kids to an awful babysitter. Sometimes it is easy and you do want the bios to win. Sometimes it’s hard when they do win because nothing has changed. It’s hard to see the kids you’ve loved for so long go back to the crazy. It’s hard to see their future and it not look good. Sometimes your heart feels at peace with the outcome and sometimes you cry in the shower because you have no control. No matter what, I cry every time one of my kids leave and a piece of my heart goes with them. I do this for the kids. In no way is this for me. I’ve wanted to quit so many times and have told Zach we need to put in our notice, but month by month keeps going by. We’re at a year and a half as licensed foster parents and as hard as it can be, I won’t quit. I can’t quit. Each story and each kid needs someone to know they’re worth it and if we can help just 1 kid, it’s all worth it. ❤️