I can tell you exactly where I was when we got the call. I had been praying for months for our future foster kid and I thought no one else needed us. I had this gut feeling it was coming and it was driving me nuts that it didn’t. You don’t want that call because it’s a child’s worst day, but you also want to help them. My initial thought with getting that call is that I just want to hold that baby. We had C and N for almost a year and we had space to help 2 more kids. We wanted older kids or siblings and said we wanted over 3 years old (ha). We got asked to take a kid we had in respite (same age as N) and declined because his was an extremely complex case and our other kids’ case was crazy too.
Zach and I were chilling in our bed on a Saturday morning when we got the call. I knew immediately why she was calling and asked who needed us. She said it was for a 2 month old baby boy. He was coming from Trinidad (where our other boys came from too) and had to be checked out by the hospital first. I thought it was an error and she meant 2 or 12, but nope, 2 months old. The first call is pretty much no info besides an age and gender (which can be wrong). It’s also a little bit of their story but a lot more comes out in the months after having them. I looked at Zach and he knew. I said yes. Trinidad is 3ish hours away and the caseworker asked to meet me at Walmart in town. Typically they come to your house to see where the baby/child is staying, etc, but she didn’t want to drive that far (she quit a few months later). We had to get N out of the crib and everything ready while not knowing what he was coming with. She did tell me I needed my own car seat. Zach stayed with the other kids and I met her at Walmart. I switched him to my car seat and he was mine. It’s crazy to me how they don’t ask for an ID or anything and how I was just handed a baby in a parking lot. He came with his hospital gown, a thing of pre made formula, one of the cheap dollar bottles, a quilt made by a group in Trinidad, and a pack of diapers. I think there was 1 or 2 outfits from the police too. I was already at Walmart so we went shopping. We essentially started from scratch and I had to guess clothing sizes, diapers, and formula. He was TINY but has always had his Buddha belly. N and C have skin/food sensitivities so I stuck with a lot of the same things I did for them with E.
(This is the picture I sent Zach from Walmart 💙)
He was almost completely emotionless and extremely easy. He wouldn’t turn his neck almost at all. It took weeks to get him to make eye contact and he’d stop after visits. He was instantly attached to my hip. He still is almost always in my lap or near me. C and N were still little so of course the jealousy hit. 2, 1, 2 months. It was a pretty easy transition though.
They initially said visits weren’t happening but started visits for him a week after we got him. They were the same time as our other boys. That only lasted a little bit before there was an incident and visits for him went to strictly (supervised) virtual. Those were awful and I had to sit and watch. He was called ugly and mean names, but they still let visits happen. Our caseworker switched to our caseworker for our other kids and she’s been like family for the last 3 years. N and C switched to a different county/caseworker but she still loves seeing them and asking about them too. We were her last case as a case worker and now she’s a supervisor that doesn’t do home visits. Our lawyer stopped taking cases but kept ours too. It’s really special that they stuck around to see this case through with us. They have been an amazing team and we were really blessed to have them.
We took him to the doctor initially and found out he had Torticollis. The doctor said it was from him being left in a car seat or being neglected. We took him a month later and the doctor said he was a completely different baby. He just needed to be held and loved. I almost never put him down. He was pretty much always held by someone from the second he stepped in our house. I NEVER expected a 2 month old to not go to family. I thought family or someone would come forward and take him. No one came. No one was safe. Rights were supposed to be terminated and a grandparent stepped forward saying he wanted him the last second. This guy hadn’t seen him or asked about him in almost the year and a half he’d been in care but he got married the month right when rights were supposed to be terminated and his wife wanted him. Apparently she had a ton of other kids as well. Court was pushed off 3 months and then rights couldn’t be terminated until the grandparents had a home study. They were denied being able to take him and threatened to sue but backed off. There was a lot that wasn’t safe and I’m so glad it was recognized. In May 2022 rights were terminated and there was no appeal. Several months later and now he gets to be ours forever. I never expected it and I tried so hard to think of him as being temporary so it wouldn’t kill me when he left. However, I can not imagine our lives without him and I did hope we’d still be a part of his life even if he went back home.
He’s a light after having such a dark beginning. He’s the BEST hugger and for the most part an extremely happy baby. His favorite things are bananas, animals, Spider-Man, cars, and his mama (which he says on repeat). His smile will brighten any room. He’s a huge fan of high fives and will freak out if he misses one. He says “hi” to everyone and loves attention. He’s extremely close to Jaidyn and Matteo. He has his moments but when you do foster care, you learn how good it is when kids can express all emotions. It’s an absolute honor having him as a son.
As excited as we are to officially add him to our family, it’s also sad how it got to this. He has definitely been affected by the trauma of foster care and being separated from his first family. We won’t shy away from that or how he feels (or will feel) about adoption. He’s not lucky to be with us and no kid should go through what he’s been through. We are getting copies of all of his information and will have it ready for when he asks. We are not his only family and I will never take that away from him.
His name didn’t change, just the spelling. He was with us more then family and we love his name. It doesn’t have as negative of a backstory as our other kids so we decided to keep it. His middle name is after my dad :)
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