Adoption

I talk about being adopted a lot. One way I "cope" or handle things is to talk it out. My poor husband. ;) I overthink a lot and yep, just talk it out. Anyway, I'm watching Reunited and it brings up a lot of issues. It's a whole different world to be adopted and there are so many sides. You have the birth parent (s), adoptive parents, adoptee, and siblings/family all around. Adopted kids handle it all differently too. I'm very emotional and sentimental. I've always known I was adopted and I've always wanted to meet my birth parents. My sister was different and didn't want to meet her birth parents. Our adoptive parents were enough. I love my adoptive parents. They gave an orphan a home and loved a child who wasn't biologically theirs as their own. Even though I was born and went directly to my adoptive family, I would have been parentless if they didn't stand up. They chose me. The thought of being "given away" is tough to deal with. It has nothing to do with my adoptive family, but it's definitely still an issue. I still have major abandonment issues. I feel like I'm never good enough and it's a constant battle in my head. Growing up it really hurt that my birth mom chose not to adopt my sister out who was born really close to me. Why keep her and not me? I didn't really get to have a relationship with my birth sister before she passed away and it is pretty upsetting. It's all just a lot of emotions. Getting into the birth dad thing is even harder. He doesn't know I exist. I keep going back and forth on if I should find him or not. Am I worth knowing? Would it just be another disappointment and I'd be rejected? Does he have a family and I'd mess it up? If I was him, would I want to know? I really think he deserves the option to chose to know or not know, but u don't know if my heart can take it. I'm so tired of being a mut and not having a history. It would be nice to have more of a back story. Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it is very emotional too. I'd love to get a dna kit and see where it goes.