My new life motto - "Everything happens for a reason". Well not new but something that keeps implementing itself in my life more and more.
Last week felt like a dump truck emptied out on me. I'm tired, worn down, and just not happy with where I'm at. It doesn't help that we have a teething baby and are getting no sleep. It definitely toys with your emotions! We have been trying to improve our credit for the last 4 years and its still not good enough, I'm still not pregnant and we've been trying for almost a year, Matteo has been horribly fussy with teething and diaper rashes, Ryker has a cough that refuses to go away (all of my kids have dr's apts in the next two weeks), I'm trying to get into the doula thing but its not working the way I want it to, trying to figure out the adoption thing, counting down to find out if Zach made staff, figuring out the VP thing for my club, Jaidyn's birthday is in two weeks, and life is getting a bit overwhelming. Not to mention, keeping everyone happy.
What I have got out of that, is that there is a reason this is happening to me. Maybe to make me more grateful? More humble? Maybe we're not pregnant cause we need to adopt? Or maybe its just not the right time? Who knows but I do know there is a reason. Something better has to be out there for us.
We have some awesome friends who are going to let us rent-to-own their house which is a HUGE blessing. We are going to an adoption meeting next month and looking more into that. I applied for a job and hopefully will get it. Everything will work out and I have hope for this year to get better.
I have such a wonderful support system here. I don't know what I would do without my friends. Even the friends I've met at different bases or from back home. I have some amazing people in my life and I know I would not be sane without them!
Life will not get me down and I am making the best of every situation. I have awesome friends/family, wonderful children, a supportive husband, and a roof over my head. All in all, it is what YOU make it :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
A million miles a minute
Right now my brain is incredibly overwhelmed. Ok, maybe not overwhelmed but definitely going at a million miles a minute. There is so much going on in my life and so much I need to add to it.
I really need to get into the swing of going to school again. My doula program is insanely easy, I just need to set my mind to it and get it done! I want to do this. With all of my heart. I LOVE babies! I love the birthing process and I would love to be support to those going through that. I'm pretty sure anyone can tell how obsessed I am about anything pregnancy/baby/birth related. I LOVE it! I will get into it and I will finish this program. I also really want to do a home birth for my next baby so I'm hoping this will help me feel more confident.
The whole baby making thing is wearing me down. I had no problem getting pregnant the first 4 times. I know some may think its selfish of me to want another one, but my family is not done yet. Zach and I are both very passionate about adding to our clan. We both want a big family. For me, I feel like the one good thing I'm at in life is getting pregnant and its not happening this time. I've been checked and apparently I am perfectly fine. I work out 1-2 hours a day and I try to eat healthy. The dr thinks its from breastfeeding. I stopped about 2 months ago so hopefully everything will start to get back on track and we will be announcing some special news soon. :) We have been trying since September and it does drag you down. Trying to keep my mind busy with other things so I don't think about it. It doesn't help when you say you're sick or tired and everyone jumps the gun by saying you have to be pregnant. I wish!! I really do.
We currently live on base. That was not supposed to happen but that's a whole other story. Right now we are talking to people about moving in July. Our lease is up the beginning of August so we want to move out in July. It seems like forever away but its not to bad. I need more space and so do the kids. We're trying to get a home with land. We actually found one we love but hopefully it won't sell before we can get it :D
I am now officially the Vice President for our Combined Spouse's Club here. I am sooo excited about this and can't wait to get things started! This base has been amazing and I have been so incredibly blessed with some awesome people.
Jaidyn's school ends at the end of May. I can't believe he's almost done with pre-k!! He's all signed up for kindergarten and reminds me everyday how much he's grown. His FIFTH birthday is coming up soon too. Time flies!
Zach and I celebrate our 6th anniversary next month! Another thing that has flown by. I can not believe we've been married for just about 6 years. I still count down until he gets home. Every time he comes home, my heart feels like its going to burst with excitement. Its amazing how even when you're no longer newly weds, you can still feel so complete with each other and miss each other so much. No matter how long the time a part. I'm excited to see what year 6 will bring :)
I really need to get into the swing of going to school again. My doula program is insanely easy, I just need to set my mind to it and get it done! I want to do this. With all of my heart. I LOVE babies! I love the birthing process and I would love to be support to those going through that. I'm pretty sure anyone can tell how obsessed I am about anything pregnancy/baby/birth related. I LOVE it! I will get into it and I will finish this program. I also really want to do a home birth for my next baby so I'm hoping this will help me feel more confident.
The whole baby making thing is wearing me down. I had no problem getting pregnant the first 4 times. I know some may think its selfish of me to want another one, but my family is not done yet. Zach and I are both very passionate about adding to our clan. We both want a big family. For me, I feel like the one good thing I'm at in life is getting pregnant and its not happening this time. I've been checked and apparently I am perfectly fine. I work out 1-2 hours a day and I try to eat healthy. The dr thinks its from breastfeeding. I stopped about 2 months ago so hopefully everything will start to get back on track and we will be announcing some special news soon. :) We have been trying since September and it does drag you down. Trying to keep my mind busy with other things so I don't think about it. It doesn't help when you say you're sick or tired and everyone jumps the gun by saying you have to be pregnant. I wish!! I really do.
We currently live on base. That was not supposed to happen but that's a whole other story. Right now we are talking to people about moving in July. Our lease is up the beginning of August so we want to move out in July. It seems like forever away but its not to bad. I need more space and so do the kids. We're trying to get a home with land. We actually found one we love but hopefully it won't sell before we can get it :D
I am now officially the Vice President for our Combined Spouse's Club here. I am sooo excited about this and can't wait to get things started! This base has been amazing and I have been so incredibly blessed with some awesome people.
Jaidyn's school ends at the end of May. I can't believe he's almost done with pre-k!! He's all signed up for kindergarten and reminds me everyday how much he's grown. His FIFTH birthday is coming up soon too. Time flies!
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| Jaidyn - April 2012 |
Zach and I celebrate our 6th anniversary next month! Another thing that has flown by. I can not believe we've been married for just about 6 years. I still count down until he gets home. Every time he comes home, my heart feels like its going to burst with excitement. Its amazing how even when you're no longer newly weds, you can still feel so complete with each other and miss each other so much. No matter how long the time a part. I'm excited to see what year 6 will bring :)
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| 2006 |
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| 2012 |
Monday, April 16, 2012
Divorce
Since rumors spread, let me start by saying zach and I are NOT getting a divorce. I think this last year has brought us together more then ever and we are probably closer then we've ever been.
That being said, I know a lot of couples who are getting a divorce right now. A lot!! Most of them got married after us and divorced a year or two later. I'm not judging! you do what you gotta do. I just think its sad. Where is the point you get to when you stop trying? Where does the love go? Was it ever love or all infatuation?
We have talked about divorce. We are not perfect by any means and I think lots of couples end up questioning their relationship. Seeing our friends going through this and having to pick sides makes you question it even more.
Zach and I got married young and not necessarily for the right reasons. I think the only reason we survived all the twists and turns of our life was because we took different advice to heart. Well and Zach's more dedicated then a dog ;)
Some advice we got that has held us together -
1) communication is key. We talk a lot! In Okinawa, we'd go on our back porch and talk about random crap for hours. If you're upset, don't expect the other person to read minds! Here, we play video games and talk :D
2) compromise. Plain and simple. It's a two way street. You can't expect one person to do all the work. You have to give some to get some.
3) space. We each need time to ourselves. Whether its going to a movie alone or going golfing, just something for us to get some time to ourselves.
4) date night. With kids, it is extremely important to make sure your spouse still gets attention. One on one date nights definitely help. You chose each other long before the kids, make sure you keep that connection.
5) we don't do best friends of the same sex or exes. It's preference but in my opinion, until you can fully give up your exes, you can't move on with your relationship. Your husband is supposed to be your best friend. When another guy takes your husbands spot, you are putting yourself in a compromising situation. Not only are you pushing yourself away from your husband, but you're also getting an emotional connection to another man. I have guy friends and zach has girl friends but it's more of an acquaintance and we'd never hang out with another guy/girl by ourselves.
6) commitment. We made a commitment to each other. An oath. That shouldn't be taken lightly. We said for better or worse. Sometimes you have to get through a pretty tough "worse" to get to the "better". There typically is a light at the end of the tunnel if you continue to press on.
7) try to keep the flirting going. Zach and I are big on water wars or just messing with each other. It keeps things light and reminds me why I love him. 6 years later and we can still have fun together.
8) marriage or separate counseling. All else fails or even if you just want to improve you're marriage, try counseling. It's not a bad thing and it proves you are willing to try.
9) fighting isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes arguing is good. It helps you each keep your own opinions and it's healthy. Fight fair though. If it gets out of hand, take a break or walk away till you can regain yourself. Zach and I have a weird way of play fighting. It's kind of our way of flirting.
The things I do not agree with in any marriage is violence or controlling the other spouse. If you're being abused, there is always away out no matter what he says. Not to mention, it's not a failure or your fault.
Anyway, that was my rant/ramble for the day. :)
That being said, I know a lot of couples who are getting a divorce right now. A lot!! Most of them got married after us and divorced a year or two later. I'm not judging! you do what you gotta do. I just think its sad. Where is the point you get to when you stop trying? Where does the love go? Was it ever love or all infatuation?
We have talked about divorce. We are not perfect by any means and I think lots of couples end up questioning their relationship. Seeing our friends going through this and having to pick sides makes you question it even more.
Zach and I got married young and not necessarily for the right reasons. I think the only reason we survived all the twists and turns of our life was because we took different advice to heart. Well and Zach's more dedicated then a dog ;)
Some advice we got that has held us together -
1) communication is key. We talk a lot! In Okinawa, we'd go on our back porch and talk about random crap for hours. If you're upset, don't expect the other person to read minds! Here, we play video games and talk :D
2) compromise. Plain and simple. It's a two way street. You can't expect one person to do all the work. You have to give some to get some.
3) space. We each need time to ourselves. Whether its going to a movie alone or going golfing, just something for us to get some time to ourselves.
4) date night. With kids, it is extremely important to make sure your spouse still gets attention. One on one date nights definitely help. You chose each other long before the kids, make sure you keep that connection.
5) we don't do best friends of the same sex or exes. It's preference but in my opinion, until you can fully give up your exes, you can't move on with your relationship. Your husband is supposed to be your best friend. When another guy takes your husbands spot, you are putting yourself in a compromising situation. Not only are you pushing yourself away from your husband, but you're also getting an emotional connection to another man. I have guy friends and zach has girl friends but it's more of an acquaintance and we'd never hang out with another guy/girl by ourselves.
6) commitment. We made a commitment to each other. An oath. That shouldn't be taken lightly. We said for better or worse. Sometimes you have to get through a pretty tough "worse" to get to the "better". There typically is a light at the end of the tunnel if you continue to press on.
7) try to keep the flirting going. Zach and I are big on water wars or just messing with each other. It keeps things light and reminds me why I love him. 6 years later and we can still have fun together.
8) marriage or separate counseling. All else fails or even if you just want to improve you're marriage, try counseling. It's not a bad thing and it proves you are willing to try.
9) fighting isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes arguing is good. It helps you each keep your own opinions and it's healthy. Fight fair though. If it gets out of hand, take a break or walk away till you can regain yourself. Zach and I have a weird way of play fighting. It's kind of our way of flirting.
The things I do not agree with in any marriage is violence or controlling the other spouse. If you're being abused, there is always away out no matter what he says. Not to mention, it's not a failure or your fault.
Anyway, that was my rant/ramble for the day. :)
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Spoiler alert
I made the mistake of watching the finale for 19 kids and counting today. I knew she lost the baby and I guess I just felt like maybe it would be good for me to watch it somehow. Two hours of bawling like a baby later...it really makes me realize that although I'm still upset by the loss of my twins, I am so thankful I lost them before i could hold them. The thought of carrying a baby for several months, thinking you're past the point of worry, and then having to deliver a lifeless baby into the world way before its due (or even close to due date) would kill me. Watching her go through all that is heart wrenching and my heart breaks for her. No matter how many kids you have or what your views on her are, no one should have to go through that. The way she turned it around and was able to still say "blessed be the Lord", is baffling to me. I was definitely not in that state of mind and I admire her for that. Trying to find the good in every situation is definitely hard. I feel bad for everyone who has gone through that no matter how early or late they were in the pregnancy. It's a horrible experience and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Bla Bla Bla
As I've said in earlier blogs, it is so weird being back in the States and it not feeling like home anymore. We went to Colorado to visit for the past 2 weeks and it was like a huge slap in the face. Jaidyn got really bad dry skin on his lip and hand, Matteo got some really bad rashes, Ryker and I had allergies, and it was just a little uncomfortable. My home is not there anymore. It was wonderful seeing family and friends but its nice being back home. As weird as it is to call Texas home, it is. My hardest part with all of this is figuring out where I belong. I really don't feel like I belong anywhere. I'm just kind of in a rut right now and it stinks. I'm almost 25 and still trying to find my place. I thought I would have it all down by now. In high school, I had my whole life planned out..Or so I thought. I'm not friends with half the people I was friends with in school and even the churches I grew up in are completely different. I guess I just assumed everything would stand still while we were in Okinawa..lol Yes, I know the world does not revolve around me ;)
As you should know, I am adopted. I got to see my birth mom and half sister one day and even that was weird. She brought her boyfriend and it was a little uncomfortable. I haven't seen my mom or sister since we went to Okinawa..about 4 years ago. 4 years ago she was married to my sister's dad. I have 3 sisters. 1 adopted and 2 half sisters. Me and my half sisters each have a different dad. I did get close to her last husband and it is a little hard to move on to another guy. I'm sorry, but I probably won't even make an effort until she's married again (if she gets married). Plus, this trip, I really wanted to talk to her about my dad. I'm still yet to know his name. I do have a picture but I'm not sure if he's really my dad or if there is going to be a multiple choice. I feel like she's with holding information from me and it hurts. I probably won't even talk to the guy but it would be nice to have his info in case I did want to meet him or look him up. He doesn't even know I exist from what I know so that would be an interesting meeting. I already have a bunch of parents who are disappointed in me so why add another one?
I am going back and forth on running for something in my spouse's club here. I was nominated for secretary but I think I may go for vice president. I'm not sure if I have the time or if I could do it period, but I really think I need to do something to boost my self-confidence. I'm just so worried about screwing everything up. Zach is completely supportive and wants me to do it. We'll see!
Zach and I have been trying for another baby since September. The longest it has taken us to conceive before this was maybe 4 months. I just stopped breastfeeding Matteo about 2 weeks ago so I'm hoping everything will get back on track and it won't be much longer but it is becoming very stressful. I am very excited for all my friends who are getting pregnant but it does hurt a little bit. I know, I already have 3 kids but we want a big family. We know we are no were near done. Each kid is exciting to us and it is a disappointment that its taking so long. I have decided that since I'm done breastfeeding, I'm just going to focus on losing weight (we have an exercise bike and a weight bench/set) and if I get pregnant then yay. I just need a break.
I think I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to drop off Facebook for a bit and take a break. I figure if you really want to talk to me, you would already have my phone number or email. I'll try to keep up with the blogs though. Facebook is getting old and I feel like I'm missing out on life by obsessing over it. I love it for keeping in touch and pictures, but I need a break. To much drama.
Anyway, not much else to report. Just trying to figure out where my place is in life and trying to focus a bit more on myself. I'm constantly taking care of everyone else and now I am trying to figure out what I need to do for me. I am trying to get back into my doula program and finish that then maybe I'll go to school for nursing. Wish me luck :D
As you should know, I am adopted. I got to see my birth mom and half sister one day and even that was weird. She brought her boyfriend and it was a little uncomfortable. I haven't seen my mom or sister since we went to Okinawa..about 4 years ago. 4 years ago she was married to my sister's dad. I have 3 sisters. 1 adopted and 2 half sisters. Me and my half sisters each have a different dad. I did get close to her last husband and it is a little hard to move on to another guy. I'm sorry, but I probably won't even make an effort until she's married again (if she gets married). Plus, this trip, I really wanted to talk to her about my dad. I'm still yet to know his name. I do have a picture but I'm not sure if he's really my dad or if there is going to be a multiple choice. I feel like she's with holding information from me and it hurts. I probably won't even talk to the guy but it would be nice to have his info in case I did want to meet him or look him up. He doesn't even know I exist from what I know so that would be an interesting meeting. I already have a bunch of parents who are disappointed in me so why add another one?
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| Melody, me, and my birth mom |
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| Melody and I |
I am going back and forth on running for something in my spouse's club here. I was nominated for secretary but I think I may go for vice president. I'm not sure if I have the time or if I could do it period, but I really think I need to do something to boost my self-confidence. I'm just so worried about screwing everything up. Zach is completely supportive and wants me to do it. We'll see!
Zach and I have been trying for another baby since September. The longest it has taken us to conceive before this was maybe 4 months. I just stopped breastfeeding Matteo about 2 weeks ago so I'm hoping everything will get back on track and it won't be much longer but it is becoming very stressful. I am very excited for all my friends who are getting pregnant but it does hurt a little bit. I know, I already have 3 kids but we want a big family. We know we are no were near done. Each kid is exciting to us and it is a disappointment that its taking so long. I have decided that since I'm done breastfeeding, I'm just going to focus on losing weight (we have an exercise bike and a weight bench/set) and if I get pregnant then yay. I just need a break.
I think I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to drop off Facebook for a bit and take a break. I figure if you really want to talk to me, you would already have my phone number or email. I'll try to keep up with the blogs though. Facebook is getting old and I feel like I'm missing out on life by obsessing over it. I love it for keeping in touch and pictures, but I need a break. To much drama.
Anyway, not much else to report. Just trying to figure out where my place is in life and trying to focus a bit more on myself. I'm constantly taking care of everyone else and now I am trying to figure out what I need to do for me. I am trying to get back into my doula program and finish that then maybe I'll go to school for nursing. Wish me luck :D
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Live and Learn
Over the past few months, I've had a few things really hit me.
1 - I need to stop obsessing with yesterday or I'll miss out on today. Seems simple enough but sometimes its hard to remember. We get so caught up on what happened before that it consumes our life. I was going to vent about a few things the other day and then I realized that in order to move on, I just need to drop it. It happened, learn from it and move on.
2 - I am old. LOL I think since I went straight from living with parents to moving in with my husband, I have a little bit of a harder time growing up. I never got that "college period" or time to myself before diving into a marriage. I didn't get the clubbing days and I still haven't been to a real club. Unless Cowboys counts. I didn't even go to my graduation. It makes it a little bit harder to grow up.
3 - I can not please everyone. I am a people pleaser. I have an incredibly hard time saying no and I love helping people out. With that comes a lot of weight on my shoulders. I can not always be the perfect wife, friend, housekeeper, mother, daughter, cousin..etc. I need to give up my "I can do it all and everyone will love me" mentality and try to find myself under all this mess.
4 - It is not just my responsibility to keep in touch. Being friends or having any sort of relationship is a two way street. You can't expect either to do all the work. By being a military spouse, it's makes it a little tougher. I have friends in a lot of different states and countries. I'm also trying to establish a new life here. I have some really close friends who have stuck by me through it all and I will forever be grateful.
5 - Kids grow up fast! I need to stop obsessing about having a girl or our future and make memories NOW. I've missed out on so much by being pregnant or obsessing about being pregnant and now I just want to enjoy the children in front of me (as I'm writing a stupid blog...GO ME! lol). I've really tried to make it a point to make sure each child gets one on one and feels special. I can not believe how big they're getting and I don't want to miss out on anything!
6 - Colorado is not my home anymore. Coming back from Okinawa, I was soo excited to be home. Now I'm beginning to realize that my home is wherever my family is. I don't know a lot of people in Colorado anymore and a lot of them have moved on too. Its a part of growing up.
7 - Family is everything. My family is what makes or breaks me. They have the power to build me up or tear me down. In that sense, so do I. I need to try to be more patient and watch what I say.
8 - I'm afraid of churches. I have grown a huge fear of churches and I'm beginning to see that its not really the church but the people in the churches. I'm afraid of rejection and judgment. I know I need to get over my fear and just go. Hopefully one day my kids will finally not have the forever cold anymore and we can check out some places. I do however, love my Bible study and I'm so glad I joined it.
9 - Not everyone is bad or out to get you. Plus, I do not need to be friend with everyone. My husband told me that and I think I really needed to hear that.
10 - Someone will always have it worse off then you. When you think your day is bad, remember that someone else is going through the same thing if not worse. I've seen a lot of shows, friends, family going through some hard situations and I'm so grateful my family is healthy and financially secure :)
All in all, its just some stuff I've been thinking about or working on :)
1 - I need to stop obsessing with yesterday or I'll miss out on today. Seems simple enough but sometimes its hard to remember. We get so caught up on what happened before that it consumes our life. I was going to vent about a few things the other day and then I realized that in order to move on, I just need to drop it. It happened, learn from it and move on.
2 - I am old. LOL I think since I went straight from living with parents to moving in with my husband, I have a little bit of a harder time growing up. I never got that "college period" or time to myself before diving into a marriage. I didn't get the clubbing days and I still haven't been to a real club. Unless Cowboys counts. I didn't even go to my graduation. It makes it a little bit harder to grow up.
3 - I can not please everyone. I am a people pleaser. I have an incredibly hard time saying no and I love helping people out. With that comes a lot of weight on my shoulders. I can not always be the perfect wife, friend, housekeeper, mother, daughter, cousin..etc. I need to give up my "I can do it all and everyone will love me" mentality and try to find myself under all this mess.
4 - It is not just my responsibility to keep in touch. Being friends or having any sort of relationship is a two way street. You can't expect either to do all the work. By being a military spouse, it's makes it a little tougher. I have friends in a lot of different states and countries. I'm also trying to establish a new life here. I have some really close friends who have stuck by me through it all and I will forever be grateful.
5 - Kids grow up fast! I need to stop obsessing about having a girl or our future and make memories NOW. I've missed out on so much by being pregnant or obsessing about being pregnant and now I just want to enjoy the children in front of me (as I'm writing a stupid blog...GO ME! lol). I've really tried to make it a point to make sure each child gets one on one and feels special. I can not believe how big they're getting and I don't want to miss out on anything!
6 - Colorado is not my home anymore. Coming back from Okinawa, I was soo excited to be home. Now I'm beginning to realize that my home is wherever my family is. I don't know a lot of people in Colorado anymore and a lot of them have moved on too. Its a part of growing up.
7 - Family is everything. My family is what makes or breaks me. They have the power to build me up or tear me down. In that sense, so do I. I need to try to be more patient and watch what I say.
8 - I'm afraid of churches. I have grown a huge fear of churches and I'm beginning to see that its not really the church but the people in the churches. I'm afraid of rejection and judgment. I know I need to get over my fear and just go. Hopefully one day my kids will finally not have the forever cold anymore and we can check out some places. I do however, love my Bible study and I'm so glad I joined it.
9 - Not everyone is bad or out to get you. Plus, I do not need to be friend with everyone. My husband told me that and I think I really needed to hear that.
10 - Someone will always have it worse off then you. When you think your day is bad, remember that someone else is going through the same thing if not worse. I've seen a lot of shows, friends, family going through some hard situations and I'm so grateful my family is healthy and financially secure :)
All in all, its just some stuff I've been thinking about or working on :)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Febuary 2012
Life has been crazy. I thought I'd be better at this but I forgot I had three kids...LOL
Jaidyn starts baseball on Wednesday and Zach's going to be the assistant coach. I'm so excited for him! Jaidyn is soooo excited about it and I can't wait to watch! Zach also joined the baseball team for himself. Life just keeps getting more and more busy!
I love getting the one on one with Ryker while Jaidyn is at school. Matteo normally takes a nap so I'll just play cars or legos with him. Even just sitting down and watching a movie with him makes his day. My biggest goal is to make sure each kid gets one on one and doesn't get left out. It can get hard with three kids but somehow, we figure it out.
Matteo had his 1st birthday and first haircut. Life is flying by! I can't believe my baby is ONE now! He is such a sweetheart and this year has been amazing.
We're still trying for a baby and its getting frustrating. It doesn't help when people ask if we're pregnant yet or what's taking so long. Our other kids were conceived within 4 months at the longest. We've been trying since September..Nursing seriously is the best birth control. We're almost done weaning so hopefully that will help. I'm dying for a baby girl! I love my boys and wouldn't trade them for the world but it feels like a piece is missing. It will happen when its happens but it is a hard road waiting. Right now I'm trying to focus on my other three babies and enjoy them before I blink and we're at their college graduation.
We've decided to just make Texas our home. We're planning on buying a house in August once our lease is up and staying in San Angelo. Its weird because in Okinawa, we were dying to come home to Colorado. Colorado really isn't our home anymore though. We're both ready for a new start and to settle down. San Angelo is no Colorado but right now it's our home. By being in the military, the saying "Home is where the heart is" really comes into play. As long as I have my boys, I'm home.
Jaidyn starts baseball on Wednesday and Zach's going to be the assistant coach. I'm so excited for him! Jaidyn is soooo excited about it and I can't wait to watch! Zach also joined the baseball team for himself. Life just keeps getting more and more busy!
I love getting the one on one with Ryker while Jaidyn is at school. Matteo normally takes a nap so I'll just play cars or legos with him. Even just sitting down and watching a movie with him makes his day. My biggest goal is to make sure each kid gets one on one and doesn't get left out. It can get hard with three kids but somehow, we figure it out.
Matteo had his 1st birthday and first haircut. Life is flying by! I can't believe my baby is ONE now! He is such a sweetheart and this year has been amazing.
We're still trying for a baby and its getting frustrating. It doesn't help when people ask if we're pregnant yet or what's taking so long. Our other kids were conceived within 4 months at the longest. We've been trying since September..Nursing seriously is the best birth control. We're almost done weaning so hopefully that will help. I'm dying for a baby girl! I love my boys and wouldn't trade them for the world but it feels like a piece is missing. It will happen when its happens but it is a hard road waiting. Right now I'm trying to focus on my other three babies and enjoy them before I blink and we're at their college graduation.
We've decided to just make Texas our home. We're planning on buying a house in August once our lease is up and staying in San Angelo. Its weird because in Okinawa, we were dying to come home to Colorado. Colorado really isn't our home anymore though. We're both ready for a new start and to settle down. San Angelo is no Colorado but right now it's our home. By being in the military, the saying "Home is where the heart is" really comes into play. As long as I have my boys, I'm home.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Crock Pot Recipe
So, I am a BIG fan of the crock pot. It's a wonderful invention for busy moms :D Today was my make-shift invention. I just grab whatever I have in the cupboard and make it work. This actually turned out really well! I got a thumbs up from the boys so I thought I'd share.
I used -
2 cans of chicken breast
3 cans cream of mushroom soup
about a cup of shredded cheese
dash of onion powder
dash of garlic salt (I never measure..)
1 box of Zataran's Spanish rice
bag of Doritos
can of corn
I put in the uncooked Spanish rice. Poured two cans of cream of mushroom soup on top and put some garlic salt and onion powder in. Added the chicken. Crushed up some Doritos and sprinkled on top. put the other can of cream of mushroom in. added the corn and cheese. sprinkled more Doritos on top. Cook on low for about 5 hours. I left it in for 5 hours then switched it to warm for 2 hours. You need to make sure you stir in the corn or it will burn. Before served, crush up some more Doritos and put on top. SOOO yummy!
And this is what happens when you use a variety of recipes and whatever you have in your pantry :)
I used -
2 cans of chicken breast
3 cans cream of mushroom soup
about a cup of shredded cheese
dash of onion powder
dash of garlic salt (I never measure..)
1 box of Zataran's Spanish rice
bag of Doritos
can of corn
I put in the uncooked Spanish rice. Poured two cans of cream of mushroom soup on top and put some garlic salt and onion powder in. Added the chicken. Crushed up some Doritos and sprinkled on top. put the other can of cream of mushroom in. added the corn and cheese. sprinkled more Doritos on top. Cook on low for about 5 hours. I left it in for 5 hours then switched it to warm for 2 hours. You need to make sure you stir in the corn or it will burn. Before served, crush up some more Doritos and put on top. SOOO yummy!
And this is what happens when you use a variety of recipes and whatever you have in your pantry :)
Monday, January 30, 2012
adoption
Some of you know, my sister and I are both adopted. We were adopted as infants and both have different biological parents. We both always knew we were adopted and there was never any confusion about it.
My birth mom(who was also adopted) was about 16 when she had me. Her father was military and he was stationed in Korea when she met a guy and ended up getting pregnant. From what I know, he was with her and another girl. I guess the other girl got pregnant and he kind of forced her to have an abortion. After she did, he said he loved her and wanted to be with her...Bla bla bla. My mom didn't tell him she was pregnant and moved in with her mom in Utah to have me. She was tossed from family to family and didn't have a lot of support. She realized she couldn't keep me and gave me up for adoption. The first couple of years she kept in contact with my parents but over time it stopped.
If you saw me and my sister growing up, you'd never know we weren't biologically related. Everyone always told us we looked like twins. We always thought that was pretty cool how it worked out.
I was always curious about the whole adoption thing. I was constantly bugging my mom to adopt more kids and for more info on my background. My sister was opposite and didn't want to know. I knew I was adopted but I wasn't able to find out a lot of the details till I was 18. My parents were afraid I'd run off to her and ditch them. Understandable but I really just wanted to know. Its weird not knowing your background or where you came from. Its still hard. Although I do know my birth mom now, I don't have any clue about my dad and she was adopted too so it kind of ends after her.
I met my birth mom in 2006. I wrote her and it took me awhile to answer the phone when she started calling me. You put stories together in your head and try to fit the puzzle together yourself. When you finally get answers, fantasy becomes reality and everything you thought is now on trial. It was hard for me to understand why she gave me up. About a year after she had me, she got pregnant again and ended up keeping that baby. I'd learn later about how that baby ended up living with her boyfriend's crazy mom but it was still hard. Why did she give me up and keep Tasha?
I have 3 sisters. Amy, my adopted sister. Tasha, my half birth sister (I am yet to meet her). And Melody, my half birth sister. I have a relationship with Amy and Melody but I'm not sure if I'll ever get to meet Tasha.
Now that I have my own kids, I couldn't imagine being 16 and having a baby. Or even 17. I had Jaidyn at 19 and that was still nuts. I admire her for choosing adoption. That had to have been hard. You carry a baby for 9 months and walk out of the hospital empty handed. I can't even imagine the strength that took. Or even from my parents perspective. They couldn't have children of their own so they chose adoption. Raising someone's kid as your own has got to be challenging too. Both are heroes in my point of view. Both gave me a good life and both made sacrifices. I could have been aborted easily but she chose to give me life. I will forever be thankful and I hope we can adopt one day too.
My birth mom(who was also adopted) was about 16 when she had me. Her father was military and he was stationed in Korea when she met a guy and ended up getting pregnant. From what I know, he was with her and another girl. I guess the other girl got pregnant and he kind of forced her to have an abortion. After she did, he said he loved her and wanted to be with her...Bla bla bla. My mom didn't tell him she was pregnant and moved in with her mom in Utah to have me. She was tossed from family to family and didn't have a lot of support. She realized she couldn't keep me and gave me up for adoption. The first couple of years she kept in contact with my parents but over time it stopped.
If you saw me and my sister growing up, you'd never know we weren't biologically related. Everyone always told us we looked like twins. We always thought that was pretty cool how it worked out.
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| Amy and I |
I was always curious about the whole adoption thing. I was constantly bugging my mom to adopt more kids and for more info on my background. My sister was opposite and didn't want to know. I knew I was adopted but I wasn't able to find out a lot of the details till I was 18. My parents were afraid I'd run off to her and ditch them. Understandable but I really just wanted to know. Its weird not knowing your background or where you came from. Its still hard. Although I do know my birth mom now, I don't have any clue about my dad and she was adopted too so it kind of ends after her.
I met my birth mom in 2006. I wrote her and it took me awhile to answer the phone when she started calling me. You put stories together in your head and try to fit the puzzle together yourself. When you finally get answers, fantasy becomes reality and everything you thought is now on trial. It was hard for me to understand why she gave me up. About a year after she had me, she got pregnant again and ended up keeping that baby. I'd learn later about how that baby ended up living with her boyfriend's crazy mom but it was still hard. Why did she give me up and keep Tasha?
I have 3 sisters. Amy, my adopted sister. Tasha, my half birth sister (I am yet to meet her). And Melody, my half birth sister. I have a relationship with Amy and Melody but I'm not sure if I'll ever get to meet Tasha.
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| Melody and I |
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| One of the only pics I have of Tasha |
Now that I have my own kids, I couldn't imagine being 16 and having a baby. Or even 17. I had Jaidyn at 19 and that was still nuts. I admire her for choosing adoption. That had to have been hard. You carry a baby for 9 months and walk out of the hospital empty handed. I can't even imagine the strength that took. Or even from my parents perspective. They couldn't have children of their own so they chose adoption. Raising someone's kid as your own has got to be challenging too. Both are heroes in my point of view. Both gave me a good life and both made sacrifices. I could have been aborted easily but she chose to give me life. I will forever be thankful and I hope we can adopt one day too.
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| Me, my birth mom, and my birth dad. |
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Bad Day
It's 10 am and this has been my morning so far...
Woke up to jaidyn and ryker screaming (not in the "I'm hurt" way but in the "annoying little kid" way), took a shower while they watched tv (not really watching it, more like dumping out drawers of stuff), baby joined me, got out got them dressed and came downstairs to find the dog crapped in her kennel, cleaned that and then cleaned up the cereal the kids dumped everywhere, found out the internet wasn't working and tried to reset it(still not working), lost and found my phone, switched from Netflix to the cable and it said the card wasn't in it, reset the cable (got it to work), the baby opened the Xbox and pushed down the cd thing so now the door won't close, tried to fix that unsuccessfully, baby preceded to dump more cereal and play in it, Jaidyn left the gate open so now the baby is upstairs and Ryker is naked, going upstairs to get the baby I find that the boys sprayed their drink all over, the boys keep getting into stuff, the baby keeps snapping my necklace in my face, Matteo is teething/has a rash/cold so you can imagine how fun he is (crying over everything!), no one is listening to me, I have to get them re-dressed and ready for school, and now I am trying to take a step back and breathe for a sec.
Yesterday someone posted a quote that read, "it's a bad day, not a bad life". Definitely needed to hear that. Even when things get crazy, it's not that bad. It's going to pass and you'll be ok. Or even like the song "bad day". "take a step down just to turn it around". Take a step back, reevaluate the situation, and breathe.
Woke up to jaidyn and ryker screaming (not in the "I'm hurt" way but in the "annoying little kid" way), took a shower while they watched tv (not really watching it, more like dumping out drawers of stuff), baby joined me, got out got them dressed and came downstairs to find the dog crapped in her kennel, cleaned that and then cleaned up the cereal the kids dumped everywhere, found out the internet wasn't working and tried to reset it(still not working), lost and found my phone, switched from Netflix to the cable and it said the card wasn't in it, reset the cable (got it to work), the baby opened the Xbox and pushed down the cd thing so now the door won't close, tried to fix that unsuccessfully, baby preceded to dump more cereal and play in it, Jaidyn left the gate open so now the baby is upstairs and Ryker is naked, going upstairs to get the baby I find that the boys sprayed their drink all over, the boys keep getting into stuff, the baby keeps snapping my necklace in my face, Matteo is teething/has a rash/cold so you can imagine how fun he is (crying over everything!), no one is listening to me, I have to get them re-dressed and ready for school, and now I am trying to take a step back and breathe for a sec.
Yesterday someone posted a quote that read, "it's a bad day, not a bad life". Definitely needed to hear that. Even when things get crazy, it's not that bad. It's going to pass and you'll be ok. Or even like the song "bad day". "take a step down just to turn it around". Take a step back, reevaluate the situation, and breathe.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Keeping It Real
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say that you can't have a life once you have kids. Or you won't have a sex life. I already asked Zach for permission on this one so its going to be fun.
You'll Lose Your Friends -
I have friends with kids and friends without. I also have friends who are and aren't married. Proof you can have friends in different lifestyles. Just because you have kids doesn't mean your friendships should end. It makes it a little bit more complicated but if you're really friends, you'll figure it out. They'll be understanding when you can't make it cause the baby is sick and you'll understand when they already made plans with someone else.
I had Jaidyn at 19. I had just got out of high school, married my husband, and had a baby before 20. Its hard when you have to miss out on the late night partying and being carefree but I had several friends who stuck around and had my back. They would come over and hang out or go to the mall with me and my baby. They also didn't treat me any differently. We're still friends and I don't think that will ever change.
You Never Get Out of the House -
We still get out of the house. When Jaidyn was a baby, I took him EVERYWHERE. It was awesome though cause he got used to sleeping wherever and he was one of my easiest babies. I wasn't afraid to be loud around him and we didn't walk on our tiptoes when he was sleeping. It was so nice being able to go to movies, dinner, bowling, and whatever else with other people. It got us out of the house and made me feel like a person still. Not someone who was chained to the house because I had a kid.We still do that with 3 kids. We will go walk around Walmart for the heck of it. Or even just go to the Mall and window shop. We can take all of our kids to restaurants and movies. We do get out of the house and its not just to do what the kids want. Another proof that kids don't always change everything.
You Can't Drink -
You have kids, so you can't drink...I laugh in your face! Seriously. I do not get drunk but I do drink. My husband drinks too. We're just more responsible about it. If one person wants to get a little tipsy, the other won't drink or will just have a little bit. I'm 25. I deserve to be able to drink too. We may not do the club scene, but we still get to have a good time.
No Sex Life -
Now the fun topic. A lot of people will tell you their sex life's diminish after having kids. Maybe so for some people but not every one. Zach and I have sex at least once a day. Every day. If its during the day and we're horny, we'll just make the kids play in the playroom for a bit. We actually have a very kinky sex life. We make it work and the kids don't hinder it. And again, obviously, we have 3 kids.
The point is that they don't stop your life. Kids are not some evil creature that come and destroy your social life..Your priorities change but it doesn't change everything. Just because you have kids does not mean they will destroy your marriage. I think they've brought us closer. For those who are scared having kids are going to mess up everything, its probably not half as bad as you think ;)
I have friends with kids and friends without. I also have friends who are and aren't married. Proof you can have friends in different lifestyles. Just because you have kids doesn't mean your friendships should end. It makes it a little bit more complicated but if you're really friends, you'll figure it out. They'll be understanding when you can't make it cause the baby is sick and you'll understand when they already made plans with someone else.
I had Jaidyn at 19. I had just got out of high school, married my husband, and had a baby before 20. Its hard when you have to miss out on the late night partying and being carefree but I had several friends who stuck around and had my back. They would come over and hang out or go to the mall with me and my baby. They also didn't treat me any differently. We're still friends and I don't think that will ever change.
We still get out of the house. When Jaidyn was a baby, I took him EVERYWHERE. It was awesome though cause he got used to sleeping wherever and he was one of my easiest babies. I wasn't afraid to be loud around him and we didn't walk on our tiptoes when he was sleeping. It was so nice being able to go to movies, dinner, bowling, and whatever else with other people. It got us out of the house and made me feel like a person still. Not someone who was chained to the house because I had a kid.We still do that with 3 kids. We will go walk around Walmart for the heck of it. Or even just go to the Mall and window shop. We can take all of our kids to restaurants and movies. We do get out of the house and its not just to do what the kids want. Another proof that kids don't always change everything.
You have kids, so you can't drink...I laugh in your face! Seriously. I do not get drunk but I do drink. My husband drinks too. We're just more responsible about it. If one person wants to get a little tipsy, the other won't drink or will just have a little bit. I'm 25. I deserve to be able to drink too. We may not do the club scene, but we still get to have a good time.
Now the fun topic. A lot of people will tell you their sex life's diminish after having kids. Maybe so for some people but not every one. Zach and I have sex at least once a day. Every day. If its during the day and we're horny, we'll just make the kids play in the playroom for a bit. We actually have a very kinky sex life. We make it work and the kids don't hinder it. And again, obviously, we have 3 kids.
The point is that they don't stop your life. Kids are not some evil creature that come and destroy your social life..Your priorities change but it doesn't change everything. Just because you have kids does not mean they will destroy your marriage. I think they've brought us closer. For those who are scared having kids are going to mess up everything, its probably not half as bad as you think ;)
Saturday, January 21, 2012
SuperGirl
I've always been the type of girl who LOVES doing everything. I also love helping people out. My main purpose in life is to take care of others. I've been doing it since the day I was born. Whenever my family would get sick, I would completely baby them and play nursemaid. Bring the wet wash cloth, puke bucket, soup...Whatever was needed. I started babysitting as soon as I could. I've always had that "mom-like" attitude and I would always be the mom whenever we played house. That's just who I am.
There is a down point to that. It gets tiring! I would like to be taken care of too! I've always had to be the strong one. I can't be sick cause I have to take care of everyone else. My thoughts, feelings, whatever have to be set aside so I can continue to be the caretaker. Even before I was a mom its been like that. I'm not trying to be selfish and say it needs to all be about me, but I think we do tend to forget about the people like that. The ones who are constantly giving and appear insanely strong. I have several friends like that as well and its hard to get them to break. To be open and honest about how they really are. Its hard to let your guard down! We're the ones who have to be strong for the ones who can't.
I'm getting really run down living like this. For me, I always hold everything in until it bubbles over and I explode. I can act strong for several weeks and then I break. Normally that just means sitting in the shower and talking myself down. Yes, I talk to myself in the shower...Moving on. Or I've found a new stress release is video games. Ok, now I'm a nerd. Wow, ok. My point is, even the strongest people have breaking points. This weekend was mine. Everyone getting sick and lack of sleep equals an extremely crazed Ashley. Taking care of three/four boys and being sick makes it even harder. Luckily I get over colds pretty fast so I'm not to worried. BUT it would be nice if me and my husband could reverse rolls for a day. I want to be taken care of. I want him to make me tea. I want him to rub my head and ask how he can help.
Who helps out superman? spiderman? Who's got their backs? Granted, they are storybook tales but still. Everyone needs someone to help when life gets a little tough. Not one person can carry the world. I would LOVE to try but its not going to happen.
This may sound bad but I love seeing when other people write posts about how something didn't go as planned. It is so easy to just write online and say how wonderful life is but its nice when someone is a little more honest. Maybe life is great one day, but it's nice when another mom says their tired of dealing with their kids. Or that "today has just been one of those days". It's so easy to get wrapped up in a fantasy that its hard to see reality. No one is perfect, everyone has flaws, and people do break. So much of the online scene has become more about a show. "My life is SOO perfect, my husband is the best, my children are angels, I love being a stay at home mom, and my house is spotless". Seriously makes me want to puke. My house is no where near spotless and the second it is, the kids destroy it. I have no clue how people have constantly clean houses. My husband drives me up the wall and I'm currently writing this so I don't say anything I'll regret to him. lol The only child who is on my good side right now is Matteo and he still doesn't sleep through the night. I miss working like crazy. I miss the adult interaction and the break from the kids. I LOVE my family. I can not stress that enough but this is honest. This is what I'm talking about. Everything has gotten so fake it's ridiculous. Zach calls these people the "chameleons". Constantly changing to what people want to hear/see. Its all about putting on a show and making your life LOOK better then theirs.
Its about time we start being real. Next time you feel like breaking, tell someone! Ask for help! Stop living in the "I have to be perfect 24.7" spotlight. You do it and I'll try to too :)
There is a down point to that. It gets tiring! I would like to be taken care of too! I've always had to be the strong one. I can't be sick cause I have to take care of everyone else. My thoughts, feelings, whatever have to be set aside so I can continue to be the caretaker. Even before I was a mom its been like that. I'm not trying to be selfish and say it needs to all be about me, but I think we do tend to forget about the people like that. The ones who are constantly giving and appear insanely strong. I have several friends like that as well and its hard to get them to break. To be open and honest about how they really are. Its hard to let your guard down! We're the ones who have to be strong for the ones who can't.
I'm getting really run down living like this. For me, I always hold everything in until it bubbles over and I explode. I can act strong for several weeks and then I break. Normally that just means sitting in the shower and talking myself down. Yes, I talk to myself in the shower...Moving on. Or I've found a new stress release is video games. Ok, now I'm a nerd. Wow, ok. My point is, even the strongest people have breaking points. This weekend was mine. Everyone getting sick and lack of sleep equals an extremely crazed Ashley. Taking care of three/four boys and being sick makes it even harder. Luckily I get over colds pretty fast so I'm not to worried. BUT it would be nice if me and my husband could reverse rolls for a day. I want to be taken care of. I want him to make me tea. I want him to rub my head and ask how he can help.
Who helps out superman? spiderman? Who's got their backs? Granted, they are storybook tales but still. Everyone needs someone to help when life gets a little tough. Not one person can carry the world. I would LOVE to try but its not going to happen.
This may sound bad but I love seeing when other people write posts about how something didn't go as planned. It is so easy to just write online and say how wonderful life is but its nice when someone is a little more honest. Maybe life is great one day, but it's nice when another mom says their tired of dealing with their kids. Or that "today has just been one of those days". It's so easy to get wrapped up in a fantasy that its hard to see reality. No one is perfect, everyone has flaws, and people do break. So much of the online scene has become more about a show. "My life is SOO perfect, my husband is the best, my children are angels, I love being a stay at home mom, and my house is spotless". Seriously makes me want to puke. My house is no where near spotless and the second it is, the kids destroy it. I have no clue how people have constantly clean houses. My husband drives me up the wall and I'm currently writing this so I don't say anything I'll regret to him. lol The only child who is on my good side right now is Matteo and he still doesn't sleep through the night. I miss working like crazy. I miss the adult interaction and the break from the kids. I LOVE my family. I can not stress that enough but this is honest. This is what I'm talking about. Everything has gotten so fake it's ridiculous. Zach calls these people the "chameleons". Constantly changing to what people want to hear/see. Its all about putting on a show and making your life LOOK better then theirs.
Its about time we start being real. Next time you feel like breaking, tell someone! Ask for help! Stop living in the "I have to be perfect 24.7" spotlight. You do it and I'll try to too :)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
The Start of our Military Adventure
Zach's been in the military for 4 years. We've been married for almost 6 so I went through the whole process with him. He went to basic in Nov 2007. Some of the hardest months of my life. He was suppose to leave a few months later but a job came up and he took it. They gave him 24 hour notice. Talk about tough! I was kind of in shock that he took it but tried to be supportive anyway. He left me with a 6 month old baby and we had a lot of financial issues he didn't take care of. I ended up getting two jobs while he was gone and worked from 7am - 10pm most days. My parents helped out a lot with Jaidyn. I never want to go through that again and thankfully we are past basic/tech school. Zach missed Jaidyn's first Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Basic was 6 weeks. We got through that and my BF Arlene went to Tx with me for his graduation. I only got to see him a few days before he went to tech-school. That was from Jan 2008-April 2008. He called me and told me we got orders to Kadena Afb in Okinawa, Japan. I thought he was lying but nope. He put that first on his dream sheet (list of places you'd prefer to go but rarely get). You can only guess how much fun it was for me to tell everyone. No one believed me but it was very true. I ended up moving down to Missouri with a baby, cat, and dog in February and stayed in a nursing home off base while he finished up tech-school. Long story there. Anyway, we ended up getting pregnant with Ryker in Missouri and then came back to Colorado before we went to Japan.
Being new to the military and having an overseas location as your first base was very interesting. Not to mention I was pregnant when we flew the 24+ hours to get there and got pretty sick. Plus Jaidyn was crawling and it was hard to keep him happy in a plane that long. Luckily he was a good baby and the flight attendant even walked around with him for a bit.
Welcome to Okinawa. Huge culture shock. We got there late, I had gotten maybe a half our of sleep the whole plane ride, and it all just seemed like a documentary on TV. The first couple of weeks consisted of finding a car, getting new driver's licenses, house, and getting Zach settled at work.
I have a love/hate relationship with Okinawa. The island is magical and gorgeous. The town is very vibrant and colorful. Its like going to a resort but even resorts make you miss home. That was not a good base for our first one. I think everything was over exaggerated since we were far from. Lots of people had the "I'm better then everyone cause I'm an American" attitude and it wasn't just towards the Okinawans. Not every one was horrible but there was a lot of excess drama. To many bored wives, pissed off that they were away from the States, and doing everything to cause more drama and make other peoples life's harder. The military side of it was harder too. Lots of extra exercises and higher security since being overseas. There were even some protests against the base but never anything really violent. Kind of scary though.
We never made it back to Colorado the whole time we were stationed there. Zach had a TDY and ended up going to the States but he wasn't able to go home either. I missed my sister's graduation, my best friend's wedding, and several family members and friend's deaths. It was really hard not being able to make it home. It does draw you closer to your family. You have to be ok with it just being you, your husband, and your children.
I did have some really good friends there. We would have play dates, go to the zoo, go to the off base mall, random outings, and go to Cocok's(nail salon) for our toes. Best place ever! You get to be with your friends, get your nails done, and have a gorgeous view of the ocean. I miss my girls. You never know though, we may end up getting stationed together again sometime. :)
We found out in 2011 that we'd be moving to Canon AFB, New Mexico. About a week later, it changed to Goodfellow AFB, TX. We got here in July 2011. So far, its been alright. We don't like our housing arrangement but the people are awesome and its a nice little town. The one thing that makes it hard is that we're 8 hours away from our families (not half as bad as okinawa so I can't complain to much) and that its a training base. You make friends and then they leave. There are more students here then permanent party and its kind of hard to get close to anyone.
We are going to try for a B.O.P. (base of preference) in March. Hoping to go back to Colorado! Zach is also looking into being a recruiter and then we'd move back to Colorado for that. We both really want to get back home and hopefully it will happen. If it does, we'd be back August/September time frame of this year. Hopefully. :)
Zach tests for Staff again this year in May. We're really hoping he gets it. He definitely deserves it!
Through it all, I've learned a lot about the military. Some stuff I wish I didn't know. I've learned 1000 and 1 acronyms, that you need to take it day by day, to be careful who you trust, that our life is controlled by the military, that you have to be ok raising the kids by yourself, how important a support system is, and that at any moment life can be taken away. Being a military wife has definitely made me a new person. I am a lot stronger then I have ever been and I've grown up a lot.
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| Jaidyn and Aunt Arlene |
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| Jaidyn's First Christmas 2007 |
Basic was 6 weeks. We got through that and my BF Arlene went to Tx with me for his graduation. I only got to see him a few days before he went to tech-school. That was from Jan 2008-April 2008. He called me and told me we got orders to Kadena Afb in Okinawa, Japan. I thought he was lying but nope. He put that first on his dream sheet (list of places you'd prefer to go but rarely get). You can only guess how much fun it was for me to tell everyone. No one believed me but it was very true. I ended up moving down to Missouri with a baby, cat, and dog in February and stayed in a nursing home off base while he finished up tech-school. Long story there. Anyway, we ended up getting pregnant with Ryker in Missouri and then came back to Colorado before we went to Japan.
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| Basic Graduation |
Being new to the military and having an overseas location as your first base was very interesting. Not to mention I was pregnant when we flew the 24+ hours to get there and got pretty sick. Plus Jaidyn was crawling and it was hard to keep him happy in a plane that long. Luckily he was a good baby and the flight attendant even walked around with him for a bit.
Welcome to Okinawa. Huge culture shock. We got there late, I had gotten maybe a half our of sleep the whole plane ride, and it all just seemed like a documentary on TV. The first couple of weeks consisted of finding a car, getting new driver's licenses, house, and getting Zach settled at work.
I have a love/hate relationship with Okinawa. The island is magical and gorgeous. The town is very vibrant and colorful. Its like going to a resort but even resorts make you miss home. That was not a good base for our first one. I think everything was over exaggerated since we were far from. Lots of people had the "I'm better then everyone cause I'm an American" attitude and it wasn't just towards the Okinawans. Not every one was horrible but there was a lot of excess drama. To many bored wives, pissed off that they were away from the States, and doing everything to cause more drama and make other peoples life's harder. The military side of it was harder too. Lots of extra exercises and higher security since being overseas. There were even some protests against the base but never anything really violent. Kind of scary though.
We never made it back to Colorado the whole time we were stationed there. Zach had a TDY and ended up going to the States but he wasn't able to go home either. I missed my sister's graduation, my best friend's wedding, and several family members and friend's deaths. It was really hard not being able to make it home. It does draw you closer to your family. You have to be ok with it just being you, your husband, and your children.
I did have some really good friends there. We would have play dates, go to the zoo, go to the off base mall, random outings, and go to Cocok's(nail salon) for our toes. Best place ever! You get to be with your friends, get your nails done, and have a gorgeous view of the ocean. I miss my girls. You never know though, we may end up getting stationed together again sometime. :)
We found out in 2011 that we'd be moving to Canon AFB, New Mexico. About a week later, it changed to Goodfellow AFB, TX. We got here in July 2011. So far, its been alright. We don't like our housing arrangement but the people are awesome and its a nice little town. The one thing that makes it hard is that we're 8 hours away from our families (not half as bad as okinawa so I can't complain to much) and that its a training base. You make friends and then they leave. There are more students here then permanent party and its kind of hard to get close to anyone.
We are going to try for a B.O.P. (base of preference) in March. Hoping to go back to Colorado! Zach is also looking into being a recruiter and then we'd move back to Colorado for that. We both really want to get back home and hopefully it will happen. If it does, we'd be back August/September time frame of this year. Hopefully. :)
Zach tests for Staff again this year in May. We're really hoping he gets it. He definitely deserves it!
Through it all, I've learned a lot about the military. Some stuff I wish I didn't know. I've learned 1000 and 1 acronyms, that you need to take it day by day, to be careful who you trust, that our life is controlled by the military, that you have to be ok raising the kids by yourself, how important a support system is, and that at any moment life can be taken away. Being a military wife has definitely made me a new person. I am a lot stronger then I have ever been and I've grown up a lot.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Mine
I love weddings and love stories. They are all so beautiful. The love in the groom's eyes as the bride walks down the aisle is one of my favorites. He just looks so content and no one else matters. She looks at him and the world stops. They know their worlds are changing but its not even on their minds. He reaches out to her, they join hands, and a new story begins.
Just about everyone has their own stories. Some of them haven't happened yet or some of them are in the beginning stages. There is Bella and Edward (Twilight), Marshal and Lilly (How I Met Your Mother), Ross and Rachel (Friends), Derick and Meridith (Grey's Anatomy), Private Practice (Sam and Addison), Rachel and Finn (Glee), Aladdin and Jasmine, Nala and Simba, and so many other movie love-characters. There is also my husband's grandparents who are celebrating the 55th anniversary this year, my sister who is getting married this summer, or even Zach and I who will be celebrating our 6th anniversary in a few months.
Cute Wedding Videos -
I love how
when you find the one person for you, no one else matters. He may not
be the perfect guy for your friend but he's the perfect person for you.
Your world feels complete. You two fit together and mash up perfectly.
Over the years, you both change but your love just grows stronger. Its
amazing!
Our wedding may not have been perfect but in the end, we got each other and that is all that matters. We've gone through a lot of crap but we've still managed to keep the spark. The biggest thing I remember about our wedding is being completely stressed out, then walking down the aisle, and seeing his face. All the stares from the crowd didn't matter. I just had to stare in his eyes and the weight of the world was silenced. The minute we put the ring on each other, we knew it was forever. There is no turning back. Together, we can make this marriage rock.
Zach is mine and I am his. I'm a pretty possessive person. He knew that coming in to the relationship. He's a pain in the butt, we fight a lot, he's not always perfect, and he can drive me up the wall but he's still mine and I am glad he chose me too :)
Friday, January 13, 2012
Time
Every year just seems to go by faster. You grow up and are constantly told not to rush it but who listens?
Now the years are flying by. I'll be 25 this year. Its insane to think about!
I have a child in pre-k who will be 5 in May (yeah, yeah, it rhymed ;)),
I have a 3 year old who will be 4 this year,
And my baby will be ONE next month!!
Where did the time go???? Not to mention, Zach and I will have been married for 6 years this June and I haven't been in school for about 6 years. Its cool, sad, and overwhelming all in one. I miss being a kid and hanging out with my friends. I miss not having to worry about bills. I miss high school crushes. However, I have no regrets. My life has just gotten better and everything I've been through has made me who I am and where I am today. All the good choices, bad choices, the hard times, good times...All of it has just made life more colorful.
I love the phrase "Live each day as if it were your last". I try to live up to that but sometimes its way to easy to fall into the traps that get us off track. We get wrapped up in FB or different addictions that we forget about what's important.This year, I'm taking things day by day. I don't want to blink and miss it all. Life is so precious and each day just goes by faster.
Now the years are flying by. I'll be 25 this year. Its insane to think about!
I have a child in pre-k who will be 5 in May (yeah, yeah, it rhymed ;)),
I have a 3 year old who will be 4 this year,
And my baby will be ONE next month!!
Where did the time go???? Not to mention, Zach and I will have been married for 6 years this June and I haven't been in school for about 6 years. Its cool, sad, and overwhelming all in one. I miss being a kid and hanging out with my friends. I miss not having to worry about bills. I miss high school crushes. However, I have no regrets. My life has just gotten better and everything I've been through has made me who I am and where I am today. All the good choices, bad choices, the hard times, good times...All of it has just made life more colorful.
I love the phrase "Live each day as if it were your last". I try to live up to that but sometimes its way to easy to fall into the traps that get us off track. We get wrapped up in FB or different addictions that we forget about what's important.This year, I'm taking things day by day. I don't want to blink and miss it all. Life is so precious and each day just goes by faster.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Pregnancy Contract
I told Zach before we even started trying that this round had to be different. We've had 3 kids and its still like a learning process every time.
We decided to start trying again around September. Jaidyn and Ryker are 18 months apart and we want Matteo to be close to a sibling too. Matteo is 2 years apart from Ryker and you can tell its more of a strain then it was with the first two.
Anyway, Zach's typically the one begging for another one (believe it or not). This time, I told him I was setting some ground rules. This is more then likely going to be our last baby or our last one for a while and I want it to go perfectly. Yeah, like that's going to happen but I'm still going to try. We decided we're not tying the tubes or snipping other parts so if we have more we do but I think this is the last one we're trying for. Plus, we really want to adopt so we have to save some room for that ;)
I am currently breastfeeding which makes it a little more difficult to ovulate or have regular monthly goodness patterns. My period was coming every two weeks so I started taking vitex and vitamin B. Supposedly they're both supposed to help. I started that in Dec so we'll see how it goes. We got pregnant with Jaidyn in 3/4 months, Ryker in about 2/3 months, and Matteo the first try.
This next baby I do want a midwife and I may try to get one of my friends to brave the delivery room with me. We'll see. I would love a home birth but if you've seen my apt, you'd know its TINY and you can hear EVERYTHING through the walls. Hopefully we'll be out of here once our lease is up but until we move, it would have to be a hospital birth or if there was a birthing place. Hoping we'd be back in Colorado for the birth anyway.
Ahhh....Anyway, Zach is awesome and he is pretty good about helping me out and supporting me. This is more of a "you signed it so I can shove it in your face later if you don't follow it". Eh, it works for me and he signed it :D Here is the contract...
Pregnancy Contract -
1) I will support you in every way possible. Example: cravings, late night ramblings, mood swings, etc.
2) I will overcome my "man-ness" and be girly with you when it comes to baby shopping/decorating the room
3) I will treat this pregnancy like a whole new pregnancy/baby no matter the gender. Example: New things
4) I will hold in my disappointment if not the gender I wanted and continue to be excited.
5) Even you play "superhero" I will still offer to help or give you a break even if you don't ask.
6) I will plan date nights/outings so we're not stuck in the house.
7) I will not ditch you unless you give me full permission.
8) When I come home from work, I will help you out with the kids and pay attention to them till bed.
9) I will take 1 month paternity leave
10) I will continue to love and pay attention to the other kids.
11) I will work out with you by doing yoga, walking, or biking.
12) I will not show my disappointment when you say no to sex.
13) I will take maternity photos for you or with you.
14) I will give you money for new maternity clothes
15) I will help out with the dog/cat. Example: litter box
16) I will help get Jaidyn to school when you can't drive.
17) I will find someone to help you out if it gets too hard to deal with everyone during pregnancy.
18) I will take care of meals unless you already have.
19) I will support you in every way possible during birth and I will find a babysitter before hand. Example: Our parents/friend
*I understand that if I fail to follow this, I will not be allowed in the delivery room and this will be our last kid.
Signed X______________________
*Rules subject to change if more are thought of.
PS - We are NOT pregnant yet but we're in the "hoping it happens" phase.
My three little Monsters :D
We decided to start trying again around September. Jaidyn and Ryker are 18 months apart and we want Matteo to be close to a sibling too. Matteo is 2 years apart from Ryker and you can tell its more of a strain then it was with the first two.
Anyway, Zach's typically the one begging for another one (believe it or not). This time, I told him I was setting some ground rules. This is more then likely going to be our last baby or our last one for a while and I want it to go perfectly. Yeah, like that's going to happen but I'm still going to try. We decided we're not tying the tubes or snipping other parts so if we have more we do but I think this is the last one we're trying for. Plus, we really want to adopt so we have to save some room for that ;)
I am currently breastfeeding which makes it a little more difficult to ovulate or have regular monthly goodness patterns. My period was coming every two weeks so I started taking vitex and vitamin B. Supposedly they're both supposed to help. I started that in Dec so we'll see how it goes. We got pregnant with Jaidyn in 3/4 months, Ryker in about 2/3 months, and Matteo the first try.
This next baby I do want a midwife and I may try to get one of my friends to brave the delivery room with me. We'll see. I would love a home birth but if you've seen my apt, you'd know its TINY and you can hear EVERYTHING through the walls. Hopefully we'll be out of here once our lease is up but until we move, it would have to be a hospital birth or if there was a birthing place. Hoping we'd be back in Colorado for the birth anyway.
Ahhh....Anyway, Zach is awesome and he is pretty good about helping me out and supporting me. This is more of a "you signed it so I can shove it in your face later if you don't follow it". Eh, it works for me and he signed it :D Here is the contract...
Pregnancy Contract -
1) I will support you in every way possible. Example: cravings, late night ramblings, mood swings, etc.
2) I will overcome my "man-ness" and be girly with you when it comes to baby shopping/decorating the room
3) I will treat this pregnancy like a whole new pregnancy/baby no matter the gender. Example: New things
4) I will hold in my disappointment if not the gender I wanted and continue to be excited.
5) Even you play "superhero" I will still offer to help or give you a break even if you don't ask.
6) I will plan date nights/outings so we're not stuck in the house.
7) I will not ditch you unless you give me full permission.
8) When I come home from work, I will help you out with the kids and pay attention to them till bed.
9) I will take 1 month paternity leave
10) I will continue to love and pay attention to the other kids.
11) I will work out with you by doing yoga, walking, or biking.
12) I will not show my disappointment when you say no to sex.
13) I will take maternity photos for you or with you.
14) I will give you money for new maternity clothes
15) I will help out with the dog/cat. Example: litter box
16) I will help get Jaidyn to school when you can't drive.
17) I will find someone to help you out if it gets too hard to deal with everyone during pregnancy.
18) I will take care of meals unless you already have.
19) I will support you in every way possible during birth and I will find a babysitter before hand. Example: Our parents/friend
*I understand that if I fail to follow this, I will not be allowed in the delivery room and this will be our last kid.
Signed X______________________
*Rules subject to change if more are thought of.
PS - We are NOT pregnant yet but we're in the "hoping it happens" phase.
My three little Monsters :D
 |
| Jaidyn |
 |
| Ryker |
 |
| Matteo |
January
There are several months that are a little tougher for me. January, April, and June/July. We ended up losing twins in 2006 and those months still haunt me. We started dating and found out we were pregnant in March/April. I find out later then normal when I'm pregnant. I was about 6 weeks when I found out.
Needless to say, there was a lot of drama and not a whole lot of support. Zach and I had talked about having kids a lot. We both wanted a lot of kids and we both wanted them while we were younger. Ok, but not that young or quick. I was 18 and he just turned 20. I had a sense I was pregnant but he made me wait a few weeks to get a test. It came up positive right away.
We had a wonderful midwife and got to see the baby. A few weeks later I started bleeding pretty bad. It was uncontrollable and one of the worst things I've ever been through. Just to sit there and know you can't stop it is a horrible feeling. I was about 8 weeks. We went for a follow up apt and found out I was still pregnant. It was twins and I had just lost one.
Its hard to explain how that felt. On one hand, it was awesome to know I was still pregnant but it still sucked we lost one. Its hard to morn when you have to be strong for the other one.
So, we continued on with life and a wedding. I was told I may start bleeding again to finish flushing out the first baby but not to worry. When we were on our honey moon, I felt like crap the whole time. I was sick and felt horrible. When we got home, I started bleeding again. I didn't think anything of it until one night when we went to the Dollar Theater and I saw the shape of a baby and eyes (I was about 13 weeks). It looked just like in the pictures of a baby growing. I tried to ignore it, flushed the toilet, and went on thinking I was pregnant.
For our next apt, she couldn't find the heart beat and said to go to the hospital for a DNC or just wait it out. I didn't want to wait and dread losing another baby. I wanted it over with. We went to the hospital, waited for about 4-6 hours, just for them to do a quick ultrasound and say that it was already completely gone.
I am completely open about this and talk about it a lot. Some people don't understand and the typical reaction is to be a little stand offish. Its totally understandable. Its hard to know how to talk to someone who's gone through it but it really is nice when someone listens. I think that's the best thing you can do to show support. Zach and I had just gotten married before the second miscarriage and it took us a long time to deal with it together. It hurt him just as much as it hurt me and it took me a while to see that.
It was all a big whammy. Moving out, getting pregnant, getting married...A lot of my friends turned their backs. I get it. I even turned my back on myself once. I hate how the one time I needed my friends, and they weren't there for me. I can count on maybe a hand who was there for me. It hurts. Still hurts sometimes. No one should have to go through that, let alone by themselves. Just because your friend is doing something you don't always agree with doesn't mean you should shun them. At least it doesn't to me. I feel like if you know someone is being stupid, tell them why you don't agree with it, but then that should be it. Its ultimately their decision and you can't control it. The same thing goes for gay people in my opinion. I am a Christian but I am not going to shun you if you're gay. One of my closest co-workers at Mervyns was gay. He was awesome! My theory is if Christians push people out who are different or not doing what we want them to do, then who is going to witness to them? For me, that just makes you look to good for anyone. Anyway, that can be a topic for another day.
Ultimately it was a hard point in my life. No matter when you think life starts, I believe it starts at conception. I may not have lost them further along, but they're still my babies and will forever hold a part of my heart. I pray God's holding them for me every day. That is one way that helps me get through it. They would have been 6 this January. Yes, seeing other people with twins hurts. I don't blame them and I know its not to spite me but you still get into the whole "why weren't my babies good enough to be born" or "would they have been alive if i had done ___". Now I know that I'm RH Negative and it could have caused the second baby to die. We'll never know and I will never lose their memory. I will share my story and if you're my friend, then you should understand that it helps me to talk about it. I will forever be grateful to those who stood by me through it all. I know a lot of other people who have been through miscarriages also and I like how my story gets to help others. It may not have been what we wanted but it has made us stronger and it does make us appreciate our other children more.
Needless to say, there was a lot of drama and not a whole lot of support. Zach and I had talked about having kids a lot. We both wanted a lot of kids and we both wanted them while we were younger. Ok, but not that young or quick. I was 18 and he just turned 20. I had a sense I was pregnant but he made me wait a few weeks to get a test. It came up positive right away.
We had a wonderful midwife and got to see the baby. A few weeks later I started bleeding pretty bad. It was uncontrollable and one of the worst things I've ever been through. Just to sit there and know you can't stop it is a horrible feeling. I was about 8 weeks. We went for a follow up apt and found out I was still pregnant. It was twins and I had just lost one.
Its hard to explain how that felt. On one hand, it was awesome to know I was still pregnant but it still sucked we lost one. Its hard to morn when you have to be strong for the other one.
So, we continued on with life and a wedding. I was told I may start bleeding again to finish flushing out the first baby but not to worry. When we were on our honey moon, I felt like crap the whole time. I was sick and felt horrible. When we got home, I started bleeding again. I didn't think anything of it until one night when we went to the Dollar Theater and I saw the shape of a baby and eyes (I was about 13 weeks). It looked just like in the pictures of a baby growing. I tried to ignore it, flushed the toilet, and went on thinking I was pregnant.
For our next apt, she couldn't find the heart beat and said to go to the hospital for a DNC or just wait it out. I didn't want to wait and dread losing another baby. I wanted it over with. We went to the hospital, waited for about 4-6 hours, just for them to do a quick ultrasound and say that it was already completely gone.
I am completely open about this and talk about it a lot. Some people don't understand and the typical reaction is to be a little stand offish. Its totally understandable. Its hard to know how to talk to someone who's gone through it but it really is nice when someone listens. I think that's the best thing you can do to show support. Zach and I had just gotten married before the second miscarriage and it took us a long time to deal with it together. It hurt him just as much as it hurt me and it took me a while to see that.
It was all a big whammy. Moving out, getting pregnant, getting married...A lot of my friends turned their backs. I get it. I even turned my back on myself once. I hate how the one time I needed my friends, and they weren't there for me. I can count on maybe a hand who was there for me. It hurts. Still hurts sometimes. No one should have to go through that, let alone by themselves. Just because your friend is doing something you don't always agree with doesn't mean you should shun them. At least it doesn't to me. I feel like if you know someone is being stupid, tell them why you don't agree with it, but then that should be it. Its ultimately their decision and you can't control it. The same thing goes for gay people in my opinion. I am a Christian but I am not going to shun you if you're gay. One of my closest co-workers at Mervyns was gay. He was awesome! My theory is if Christians push people out who are different or not doing what we want them to do, then who is going to witness to them? For me, that just makes you look to good for anyone. Anyway, that can be a topic for another day.
Ultimately it was a hard point in my life. No matter when you think life starts, I believe it starts at conception. I may not have lost them further along, but they're still my babies and will forever hold a part of my heart. I pray God's holding them for me every day. That is one way that helps me get through it. They would have been 6 this January. Yes, seeing other people with twins hurts. I don't blame them and I know its not to spite me but you still get into the whole "why weren't my babies good enough to be born" or "would they have been alive if i had done ___". Now I know that I'm RH Negative and it could have caused the second baby to die. We'll never know and I will never lose their memory. I will share my story and if you're my friend, then you should understand that it helps me to talk about it. I will forever be grateful to those who stood by me through it all. I know a lot of other people who have been through miscarriages also and I like how my story gets to help others. It may not have been what we wanted but it has made us stronger and it does make us appreciate our other children more.
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Importance of Breaks
I love my kids. That will never change BUT I would not survive without a break or Mommy's night out. Aside from FB and occasional play dates, you rarely get social interaction with other people your age. After constantly saying "NO!", giving someone food, filling sippy cups, changing diapers, taking someone to the bathroom, stopping fights, picking up crap that will just be messed up with TWO minutes later, and doing the never ending piles of laundry, I can't see who wouldn't want a break. Its nice to have a conversation with another person who won't respond with "why?", "I want.." or some language only God knows.
As soon as you get a boyfriend, you have to work a lot harder with your girl relationships. Its so easy to just block everyone out and think you only need him. Once you're married, you either stay in that mind frame or you are always looking to get out. I know I've brushed off my friends for my husband and I know other people who've done it too. It happens but you still have to make an effort. For military wives, who is going to be there for you when he deploys? Or goes on a TDY? Friendships are super important. They keep you sane. Plus, you have to have someone to vent to when your husband is being stupid anyway ;)
I have come to realize that my kids are beginning to define me. I can't go anywhere without them. I LOVE the break but it can be hard to leave them. I'm not sure if its cause I've gotten so self-conscience or if its because I'm with them 24/7 that its weird not to be with them. One of my past neighbors used to say she thought I was a vampire. I only came out at night when Zach was home for the longest time. I've created my own little world and I don't think that's healthy. You need to get out and have a life outside the home. I'm working on that and I've made more of an effort here then I did on Kadena. It took me about 2 years to make friends in Kadena and I've already made lots of friends here.
The other important one is date nights. You married your husband, not your kids. That is the most important relationship! You have to make sure you get the one on one time away from the chaos. My husband would die without date nights. Our sitter we finally found here just moved back to NY so we're trying to find another one. We started looking for a sitter before we even moved here. That is a really important part for our relationship. I know lots of people who refuse to leave their kids with anyone and never go on dates. I personally don't understand it but I'm not going to judge. For my marriage though, we need those 2 hours out of the house and by ourselves. I love our alone time.
When we were in Okinawa, me and the girls would go to a nail salon once a month. It was such a nice break. Not only was it good to get out of the house but it was also nice to be pampered. Being in a house surrounded by boys, you need those moments! Yes, you NEED it! You need a break. Even if its just making your husband watching the kids for 5 min so you can take a shower by yourself. Those moments help your sanity. That little break is the boost you need to get through the week. I love it. There are times I'll turn on cartoons, pop popcorn, and zone out to my Ipod. You do what you gotta do. All in all, breaks are important and you definitely deserve them. :)
As soon as you get a boyfriend, you have to work a lot harder with your girl relationships. Its so easy to just block everyone out and think you only need him. Once you're married, you either stay in that mind frame or you are always looking to get out. I know I've brushed off my friends for my husband and I know other people who've done it too. It happens but you still have to make an effort. For military wives, who is going to be there for you when he deploys? Or goes on a TDY? Friendships are super important. They keep you sane. Plus, you have to have someone to vent to when your husband is being stupid anyway ;)
I have come to realize that my kids are beginning to define me. I can't go anywhere without them. I LOVE the break but it can be hard to leave them. I'm not sure if its cause I've gotten so self-conscience or if its because I'm with them 24/7 that its weird not to be with them. One of my past neighbors used to say she thought I was a vampire. I only came out at night when Zach was home for the longest time. I've created my own little world and I don't think that's healthy. You need to get out and have a life outside the home. I'm working on that and I've made more of an effort here then I did on Kadena. It took me about 2 years to make friends in Kadena and I've already made lots of friends here.
The other important one is date nights. You married your husband, not your kids. That is the most important relationship! You have to make sure you get the one on one time away from the chaos. My husband would die without date nights. Our sitter we finally found here just moved back to NY so we're trying to find another one. We started looking for a sitter before we even moved here. That is a really important part for our relationship. I know lots of people who refuse to leave their kids with anyone and never go on dates. I personally don't understand it but I'm not going to judge. For my marriage though, we need those 2 hours out of the house and by ourselves. I love our alone time.
When we were in Okinawa, me and the girls would go to a nail salon once a month. It was such a nice break. Not only was it good to get out of the house but it was also nice to be pampered. Being in a house surrounded by boys, you need those moments! Yes, you NEED it! You need a break. Even if its just making your husband watching the kids for 5 min so you can take a shower by yourself. Those moments help your sanity. That little break is the boost you need to get through the week. I love it. There are times I'll turn on cartoons, pop popcorn, and zone out to my Ipod. You do what you gotta do. All in all, breaks are important and you definitely deserve them. :)
 |
| I love these girls. :) |
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Mommyhood
I absolutely LOVE being a mom. Most of the time anyway. I would be lying if I said it was all the time. Being a mom is a LOT of stress, very overwhelming, but can also be very rewarding.
I love being able to be a stay-at-home mom. I do miss working but I love being able to see each stage of my children's life. They grow up way to fast and I don't want to miss out. Sometimes I feel bad for Zach cause he misses out on a lot. Especially by being in the military. Sometimes its hard when I see them do a first and then Zach thinks he's seeing it for the first time when he's not.
I can't believe Jaidyn is in school now. You'd think it would be a nice break but he's the helpful one! I miss him. I'm worried he'll lose his innocence. He's such a sweetheart and I don't want anyone to change it. So far he's been good in school and is the polite one. I'd rather that then the bully any day :D Makes me proud that my parenting is paying off. He's learning a lot and his teacher is awesome. He counts down till he goes to school everyday. We've never had tears but always lots of excitement.
The good thing about having multiple children is that they always have a friend. Jaidyn and Ryker are stuck together like glue. They're best friends and I love it. Fitting Matteo in the picture has been a little hard but we're hoping for another baby soon so that he'll have a friend closer to his age :D
I was all excited because we've been done potty training for a few months now but then I remembered I have to do it all over again with Matteo. grr! At least we have a little time before that happens. Potty training was supposed to be Zach's turf with boys and mine with girls. haha Supposed to is the key word there. They're potty trained though so that hurdle is done for a bit. Its annoying whenever we go anywhere though cause we're in the bathroom nearly the whole time. Its like walking into a store is turns on the light bulb that they have to pee. Fun stuff!
The things we have done differently with Matteo are cloth diapering and breastfeeding. I absolutely love it but I do miss formula feeding sometimes. The bond between Tao and I is amazing but its also annoying. I get "touched out" a lot. He's constantly feeding so I'll get to the point where everyone has to keep their distance. Its hard when the kids wanna be cute and cuddle but I just need my space. I even get that way with Zach. Sometimes I'll pick a fight just so he'll sleep on the couch and I get the bed to myself. I know, I'm horrible. He found out I was doing that though so it doesn't fly anymore. haha I do use a cover when breastfeeding and I'm still not to comfortable doing it in public but we've made it work for us. Zach has been incredibly supportive and I think that's the only reason we've survived this long. When Matteo was almost a month old, I BEGGED Zach to go buy formula and he refused. If he had caved, we would be where we are today. Besides complete lack of sleep, I've had a really hard time losing weight while breastfeeding. I've even tried different diets. You see all the people who it just falls off but not with me. I've gotten to the point where I'm just trying to be healthy and not worry about it. I'm doing this for him and as long as he's happy and healthy, I am good.
I am really into the whole cloth diapering thing now too. We do go back and forth between cloth and disposable sometimes but its mostly cloth. It is a pretty big cost at the beginning but it does pay off. I do laundry a lot without the cloth diapers so its not a big deal to add them to the list. With 4 boys in my house, my washer is almost constantly running. Boys are gross! I found a way that works for me to wash them and I throw them in the dryer (although I know a lot of people line dry them). I've had the same cloth diapers for him since he's been born and they are still good so its worked for us. They haven't even had any stains till about two weeks ago when we had to get this rash cream that stained them. I'm typically the only one who does laundry but even Zach knows how to wash them. It normally takes anywhere from 4-6 hours of my washing machine's time when we wash them. They are so cute though and the little cloth booty is adorable!
We have been talking about adoption since we got together. I was adopted and have ALWAYS wanted to adopt a sibling group. This summer we're planning on buying a house then looking into it. I'm SO excited! We both agree on adopting an older child (hopefully somewhere close to Jaidyn's age) and would like to get a sibling group. Either 2 or 3 siblings. We want to help out some kids who a lot of people pass on cause they're older and we want to save them from being split up. We both feel called to this and I can't wait to get it all started. We are also trying to have one more biological child. Zach's bound and determined to get that girl. Getting pregnant while nursing can be more of a challenge so I started taking some stuff that helps you conceive while breastfeeding. We'll see if it works! For now we're just enjoying our three blessings and taking it day by day. This year is going to be crazy fun though and I'm excited to see where it takes us!
I love being able to be a stay-at-home mom. I do miss working but I love being able to see each stage of my children's life. They grow up way to fast and I don't want to miss out. Sometimes I feel bad for Zach cause he misses out on a lot. Especially by being in the military. Sometimes its hard when I see them do a first and then Zach thinks he's seeing it for the first time when he's not.
I can't believe Jaidyn is in school now. You'd think it would be a nice break but he's the helpful one! I miss him. I'm worried he'll lose his innocence. He's such a sweetheart and I don't want anyone to change it. So far he's been good in school and is the polite one. I'd rather that then the bully any day :D Makes me proud that my parenting is paying off. He's learning a lot and his teacher is awesome. He counts down till he goes to school everyday. We've never had tears but always lots of excitement.
The good thing about having multiple children is that they always have a friend. Jaidyn and Ryker are stuck together like glue. They're best friends and I love it. Fitting Matteo in the picture has been a little hard but we're hoping for another baby soon so that he'll have a friend closer to his age :D
I was all excited because we've been done potty training for a few months now but then I remembered I have to do it all over again with Matteo. grr! At least we have a little time before that happens. Potty training was supposed to be Zach's turf with boys and mine with girls. haha Supposed to is the key word there. They're potty trained though so that hurdle is done for a bit. Its annoying whenever we go anywhere though cause we're in the bathroom nearly the whole time. Its like walking into a store is turns on the light bulb that they have to pee. Fun stuff!
The things we have done differently with Matteo are cloth diapering and breastfeeding. I absolutely love it but I do miss formula feeding sometimes. The bond between Tao and I is amazing but its also annoying. I get "touched out" a lot. He's constantly feeding so I'll get to the point where everyone has to keep their distance. Its hard when the kids wanna be cute and cuddle but I just need my space. I even get that way with Zach. Sometimes I'll pick a fight just so he'll sleep on the couch and I get the bed to myself. I know, I'm horrible. He found out I was doing that though so it doesn't fly anymore. haha I do use a cover when breastfeeding and I'm still not to comfortable doing it in public but we've made it work for us. Zach has been incredibly supportive and I think that's the only reason we've survived this long. When Matteo was almost a month old, I BEGGED Zach to go buy formula and he refused. If he had caved, we would be where we are today. Besides complete lack of sleep, I've had a really hard time losing weight while breastfeeding. I've even tried different diets. You see all the people who it just falls off but not with me. I've gotten to the point where I'm just trying to be healthy and not worry about it. I'm doing this for him and as long as he's happy and healthy, I am good.
I am really into the whole cloth diapering thing now too. We do go back and forth between cloth and disposable sometimes but its mostly cloth. It is a pretty big cost at the beginning but it does pay off. I do laundry a lot without the cloth diapers so its not a big deal to add them to the list. With 4 boys in my house, my washer is almost constantly running. Boys are gross! I found a way that works for me to wash them and I throw them in the dryer (although I know a lot of people line dry them). I've had the same cloth diapers for him since he's been born and they are still good so its worked for us. They haven't even had any stains till about two weeks ago when we had to get this rash cream that stained them. I'm typically the only one who does laundry but even Zach knows how to wash them. It normally takes anywhere from 4-6 hours of my washing machine's time when we wash them. They are so cute though and the little cloth booty is adorable!
We have been talking about adoption since we got together. I was adopted and have ALWAYS wanted to adopt a sibling group. This summer we're planning on buying a house then looking into it. I'm SO excited! We both agree on adopting an older child (hopefully somewhere close to Jaidyn's age) and would like to get a sibling group. Either 2 or 3 siblings. We want to help out some kids who a lot of people pass on cause they're older and we want to save them from being split up. We both feel called to this and I can't wait to get it all started. We are also trying to have one more biological child. Zach's bound and determined to get that girl. Getting pregnant while nursing can be more of a challenge so I started taking some stuff that helps you conceive while breastfeeding. We'll see if it works! For now we're just enjoying our three blessings and taking it day by day. This year is going to be crazy fun though and I'm excited to see where it takes us!
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